it could have been me....

The tragic story of Alexis Rasmussen has brought back memories of my own.
Alexis' story (that I have read from the news) and my personal experiences, have a similar body but a very different outcome.


I too babysat for a couple (let's call them Mr. and Mrs. Smith)  that were not moral and contributed to my bad choices as a teen.
The sick part, was that they were proud to encourage drug use between me and my friends while on the clock babysitting their two small children.
They paid me in home grown marijuana.
I in turn, shared with my lost-soul buddies.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith had a closet that held 4 large black garbage bags full of weed.
I was allowed to scoop out what I needed to get me by until the next babysitting gig.


Many times, Mr. and Mrs. Smith would come home separately with someone other than their spouse.
I would be asked to continue watching the children while they went to the back bedroom for their fling.  
I often speculated that this was something the Smith's did openly, and that they were both agreeable with the set-up. 
But it was definitely not something I was willing to bring up to the absent spouse.


There were two times that I can remember, that they asked me to come over to babysit, yet Mr. and Mrs. Smith didn't leave. 
They knew that all of my friends would come along too.....it's just what 'babysitting' entailed.
It would turn into a party, and I could tell that they got off on it.  They both enjoyed giving attention and light touches to the teens in the room.  It was all part of the "re-payment" of them supplying alcohol, cigarettes and drugs.


I babysat countless times, and I can only remember snippets of the Smith children (what a sad statement).  I have one haunting memory that, to this day, I have a hard time forgiving myself for.
It was a nice summer evening.  Me and the pot-head gang were outside with the Smith kids playing in the yard.  We were swinging the kids around and one of the kids' wrists was hurt.  I called Mr. and Mrs. Smith to tell them that there was a problem.  They told me to give the child Benadryl and put her to bed.  
The toddler cried herself to sleep in my arms.
The Smith's had no compassion or parental conscience for their children.
Apparently my parents didn't either.  
My step mother [mother #3], was either partying along with the Smith's or purchasing her cocaine/weed from them.  
Mother #3 also enjoyed partying with my teenage friends. I think she believed she was in love with one of my guy friends, and showed jealousy when his girlfriend was around.
I have no recollection where or what my dad was doing, as he could probably say the same about his own daughter.


I was 15.
It could have been me.....
I could have been Alexis.
Somehow, I survived many sketchy circumstances.
I don't know why...but I did.


There are adults that prey upon the youth to be the first to take away their  innocence, and then there are adults that  just don't give enough shit to protect their children from evil.


I'm beside myself in disgust.
Especially looking into childhood stories [of my own and others] with my now parenting/adult eyes.