I really like your peaches...Want to shake your tree

The lil peach tree we planted last fall produced so many sweet, juicy peaches, that it's poor limbs were laying on the ground from the weight.

Something about a fruit tree or a garden that makes a human feel God-like.......

as if WE made every piece of bounty with our bare hands and take credit for all of it!

We threw a couple tomato plants in the back 40 with shitty soil and no fertilizer and they have flourished!!! 

Even with little to NO effort, we feel proud of our produce and show it off like they were born from our loins.

Big MOTH-er effer

I noticed him hanging out on my front window. As I moved in on him to take a close up picture, he didn't even wince or try to get away.

It was the biggest moth I've ever seen.....and the most beautiful one too.

What's the difference between a moth and a butterfly?

The Double Mint Twins

 The Tic Tacs hatched.

Their beaks are long and pointing out the top of their nest continuously waiting for fluttering momma to bring them some snacks.

Within the first week, they had doubled in size and now going on the second week, they will be flying the nest any day.

Their feathers look like porcupine quills and both lil 'double mint twins' fill the inside of their 2" diameter nest pot.

Pretty damn cool.

Who's wearing the diapers now?

I just heard Jerry Seinfeld 's stand up on Jimmy Fallon.

He said,

"Babies!!!!  

BABIES!!!!

Why are we so excited about babies?

Don't you know that they are here to replace us?

Their first words are:  

MOMMA, DADDA.....GOODBYE!

in the end, who's wearing the diapers now?"

It's funny cuz it's true!

TicTacs

Have you ever seen a hummingbird's nest?

My friend has one in her backyard tree.

The eggs are the size of a tictac, and the nest is smaller than the leaves.

Nature is amazing.

Side note:  momma hummingbirds will dive bomb your head if they see you next to her lil mints.

But YOU'RE driving a Chevy!

Um, is it just me that is confused??

This person either doesn't understand the meaning of the "Calvin pee pee" sticker,

 OR driving this Chevy van REALLY sucks, 

like in a BIG way, 

and they want to let us know how they feel.

Required Supply: Designated Driver

A few months ago Amie was telling me about a place in Grand Junction that assists you in painting on canvas and pairs it with wine drinking!

Seriously, why did it take so long for someone to come up with this brilliant idea!?!?  

Hell....why didn't I come up with this great biz plan and get rich and retire by now??

HELLO!!!!!  McFly!!!!! I am really good at drinking wine!

Although I'm not quite the Picasso with a brush stroke....

but have you seen a Picasso????  

Don't even tell me this piece was done sober!

Maybe there is something to this drunk artist thing.I

Anywho.....I was ecstatic to find that we have a Paint Mixer studio here in Utah! 

I would LOOOOOOVE to get a group mixer planned.

[anyone?  anyone?]

It's a good day when you sign up for a class and the only required supply that you have to bring is a designated driver!

It's all a scam

Costco!  

You suck a big DOH! NUT!

I am not going to show my round, puffy powder sugared face in your store for a long long time!

I need to detox after shoving a chocolate, coconut and then sugar ball cake in my mouth continuously for 2 days straight!

Why did you have to go and place this platter of crack balls on a display cart.....in front of me.....while I am PMS starving?!?!?

OH...I see how this works!

You snag me hook, line, and sinker with the donut holes, get me sugar-crack addicted, then try to sell me an effin treadmill to pretend it will make it all better!

It's all a big scam if you ask me!

Thanks Costco!

Thanks a lot!

[middle finger]

Visual Woobies

As I walked into my office, I realized that there is a certain feeling of comfort, empowerment, happiness, thankfulness, and content when my eye catches recognition of  intentional surrounds.

It is important for me to entwine myself with decor/gifts/phrases that inspire an emotion.

I enter rooms throughout my home with a visual scan to engage with the "feel good" pieces.  

I had to laugh at myself once I acknowledged my 'scanning' quirk.

But I figure, we all deserve to have a security blanket of some sort to wrap us in a big hug,

just because it feels good.

Do you have feel good [visual] "woobies"?

The six degrees of a bloody mary

Jay forwarded me this picture that his niece posted on her Facebook.

No, you are not looking at an all you can eat midget buffet.......

You are looking at the most glorious HELLA Bloody Mary concoction ever created!!!

It comes with a large stalk of asparagus,  a half a weenie, a block o' cheese, a shrimp on a pick, and the grand daddy of them all....

A FAAAAHREEKIN CHEESEBURGER SLIDER!

Hey Jay!!!  

Yes you! 

Mr. Jay Brown!!!

Build it and they will come!

Its a double dog dare!

I was telling Chelise about this meal in a mason jar, and she envisioned

Christina Aguilera right away! 

I concur that she would look much better with a cheeseburger skewered on her head rather then this record/space saucer/tilt-a-whirl in her platinum weave!

And then Christina and her titters could look right in the camera and say, 
"Eat your heart out Lady Gaga!!!!  

I take my meat well done!"

And then Gaga would lash back with,

"Of course you do......you always get my ground up sloppy seconds that need to have the V.D's cooked out of it!"

And then X-tina would pounce back with,

"Oh GUUURL!!!  I am the founder of dirty, nasty, and 'getcho freak on'!!!!

You can't use me as your whippin post!

Go beat yo meat somewhere else!"

And then from a far........

everyone could hear RiRi asking in a dazed confusion,

"Wait!!! Who's beating someone?

Chris Brown.......Is that you????

After catching sound of the cat fight, Lyndsay was feeling left out.

With her arms above her head, she ran in circles yelling,

"HEY!!!  

What about me??? 

I'm CRA-CRA!!  

Look at me! 

balaaa-wookawooka-caw-eeeeek-meow--brrrrbrrrr-dardardardar-pthhhhhhhh!

See!  I'm totally crazy!!!!

And I'm a dirty too!!!

Why isn't anyone fighting over meat and beat with me?!?!?

I'm still a star you know!"

'As The World Turns in a General Hospital with All my Children'

.......to be continued.......

or not

He's wearing SPANX!!!

I caught this on the last night Jimmy Kimmel was on in the 11:30 pm slot.

I can not believe how many "name brands" he got to play in this skit!!!

It is hilarious and damn refreshing to see actors make fun of themselves/each other!

Of course, they all deserve to be in this "Handsome Men's Club"....

well, with the exception of  Sting.  

But oh baby!!!  Lenny Kravits ROCKS!!!

Make sure to watch all the way through.
Many handsome men come along!

Healthy New Years inspiration

Amie sent me this video of 'Cardio Bunny'.

I've watched it about 14 27 times since, and laughed harder with each viewing.
[watch it!! it's only like 40 seconds long....but it's life changing....in some way....i don't know how...but it is dammit!]

A lot of us have New Years Resolutions vowed to work on our bodies and health.

Cardio Bunny is an inspiration to all of us living in this Barbie world! 

Amie said she is inspired to do the "get low and bring your arm around to rock your guitar" move.

I like to be inspired by things a little more simple [due to my lack of abilities] and am working on the JUMP!JUMP!JUMP! while turning up the speed of the treadmill.
Don't get me wrong!  The clapping gets me pumped up too!
OH YEAH!!!!!

p.s. look at the peeps to the sides of her!
Are they in trauma due to Cardio Bunny's movements and are pretending 'la-la-la nothing is happening'?
I think they just don't want to look associated with her.

Excuse the French, but......

I have to just say "Fucket" every now and then to get past the things that DO NOT matter.

LIKE HOUSEWORK!!!!

I recently heard a great quote:

"If you want to visit me, stop by ANYTIME.....

If you want to visit my clean house....

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT!"

~Amie's Gma

One thing you can always count on

The truth of where children come from

We've all seen this beautiful sentiment.

It just makes you get warm and fuzzy inside thinking two people

 were so madly in love, 

that they planned a family of love,

 out of pure LOOOOOOOVE.

But I also know families are made this way too!!!!

Welcome to Utah! We drive like idiots

Saturday morning Randy and I were headed North on Bangerter.

We were crossing the new over-pass on 7800 South when we witnessed a Nissan Pathfinder (driving in the outside lane) lose control and over correct by swerving/sliding into the middle lane.  The Honda tried to stop but the icy road was not accommodating.

The two vehicles met with the Pathfinder driving on top of the Honda.

We watched in horror thinking the Pathfinder would flip.

They both came to a stop without anyone being injured.

We did our best to direct traffic away from the scene until the police arrived.

We came very close to being plowed into from behind from drivers that were in a hurry and inconsiderate.

After completing a police report and giving a warm seat to the children in the Pathfinder, we were on our way to the next intersection to turn around and GO BACK HOME!!!!

I was pretty shook up and feared the idiot drivers combined with snowflakes too much to want to continue our morning drive.

PEOPLE OF UTAH!!!!

It's winter.

We have snow.

We have icy roads.

We have children in the car!

SLOW YOUR ASSES DOWN!!!!

Have you paid for your death yet?

I just got the most bizarre phone call.

It was a chipper sounding man named Justin on the other end of the phone.

He was just calling to make sure we have our funeral arrangements planned and paid for.

HUH?!?!?!??!

I guess people aren't dropping like flies anymore and they need to drum up some biz by making calls to people at home?

UGH.....leaves me feeling creeped out!

Little Tramp

My computer, or pooter as Amie calls it, had a well check.
She's out of the stirrups and back in the saddle!

THANK GAWWWD!

I feel like I have been out of my social loop of blogs for toooooo long!

Nothing like a good antivirus to clean up her whorin' around!

I've hired a wine-o to decorate my home

Luckily, my kids like the food.

YIKES!!  They better not take this sign seriously!

One wine-o in this house is enough!

I know it's not nice to talk about Daisy like that....

but she's passed out right now with the scent of pinot noir on her breath and doesn't even know the difference.

missing vegas

I should be in Vegas right now.

Not because anyone I know has left on a fabulous weekend of fun without me, 

but because I can hear it calling my name through our sinful vibes.

Me and Vegas keep each other young :)

Love you VegasBaby!