Penguins shoot poop

I got free tickets to the Living Planet Aquarium from my credit union.

The aquarium is moving from the weird, small location in Sandy to a larger, custom built location in Draper.

I couldn't help but feel like these water creature thingies are held hostage in a small cell :(

Kinda made me feel like being an activist for like......a minute.  And then I got tired when I thought of how I would have to picket on hot streets with ugly signs and shirts and extreme, weird people :/ 

I decided right then and there, that I wouldn't be the best activist for this cause.

Jax's highlight of the day, was watching the penguins shoot their poop as they swam in front of the glass.

There always seemed to be a following penguin that swam in the first penguin's cloud of white milky shiz.

Jax was dry heaving at the sight, yet continued to stay hoping for more pooh sightings.

Bodily fluids from any kind of living creature is a 'HELL YEAH' moment for any boy.

They are seriously attracted to shit!!!!

You mother's of boys know what I'm talking about!

Son of a preacher man

 Randy and Riv spent a Sunday afternoon tuning up the chick-mobile.

Riv was proud of his grease filled fingernails and scratched up forearms once they started lil blue and she ran like a purring kitten.

I think the boy learned a few grease monkey tricks of the trade.

Of course, when THE Rand teaches anybody anything....

you also get a sermon for free.

I'm not sure of the real conversation that was had, but this would be my version of it by the looks of the pictures........

SON!!  You need to do this.  

And SON, you need to do that.

And if you do this, that will happen.

Do you want that to happen to this?

Hey!  I'm talkin to you SON!

DO YOU understand me SON?

And what is up with that hair SON!?!?!

Cut your hair and get a real job SON!

Time is running out for you to do this and that.

SON, I'm gonna tell you what my dad told me:

Centralize your shit SON!

And that's all I have to say about this.....

or that.

DAD!!!!

Leave my hair out of this and that.

It's an innocent bystander in this.

It never did anything to you or that!

Ahhhhh........ good ol fashioned father son preaching bonding time :)

Life's highway

I have a lump in my throat that doesn't want to go away.

It's residency will choke me up with a warning that salty tears will be falling down my cheeks.

Sometimes I can hold it all back and there is no evidence of the fear, pride, happiness, and monumental moments that I experience when I realize that my oldest baby boy is on his way to freedoms from my apron strings.

And other times.....

I allow the tears to fall where they may.

Last night we brought home Riv's first vehicle.

He is only 15, but will be getting his permit [if he passes] on Friday.

This Jeep is exactly what Randy had in mind for his son.

It was affordable, [to which River helped pay for] and is a great mechanics learning piece for a young man to gain knowledge.

He has a year to practice driving with an adult before he acquires his real driver's license.

I will savor this last year of riding by his side, knowing that soon enough, he will be on 

his own road to life's highway.

Smell of suburbia

With moppy, thick hair like this.....

And a scruffy face like that.....

an animal instinct is initiated to stick a sheepdog head out the window and enjoy the wind, bugs, and smell of middle class suburbia dog butt.

B.O.W.

River is known as B.O.W. on the streets of high crime Riverton.

When smart kids come up with a 'street cred' name to be called by friends, it has some kind of scientific meaning to it.

B.O.W.= Body Of Water

Get it??? 

River....Body of Water

[Not that I think you are stupid and couldn't figure this out on your own, but it took me a bit to 'get it'.....
and then again, I'm not the smartest bottle in the 12-pack.]

Week(s) in pictures......random style

Carol visited her Utah peeps for 10 days in the middle of February.

She always lights up when she sees the snow covered mountains.

Apparently the Arizona sand hills don't give her the same kind of warm, fuzzy, comforts as our Wasatch.

I would have to concur.

Sierra's lil babe, Gentry, is a sweet, beautiful girl.

It was all Riv could do to hold her to take this picture.

He was a bit nervous holding this kind of responsibility!

The Draper family visited Jax for his 13th birthday.

It had been months since their last reunion. 

Our friends are a genuine loving family to my kids.

There is no greater privilege then to have people's love given to your children.

We left our afro-circus wigs at home, but still had a great time wishing Uncle Randy a happy 60th birthday at his carnival themed surprise party.

WE SAW DEAD PEOPLE!

The Leonardo museum

[freakin awesome!!!!  go see it!  not for children under 14...mainly because of the possible lifetime nightmares of mummies attacking  and also the erect [long] mummified weener displayed smack dab in the middle of the room!!!]

Sexy lady

Jax on the day he turned into a true teenager.

He gave his new shirt from Auntie E, and all of the generous cards and gifts of love everyone sent him, a two thumbs up!

WILSOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!

"LOOK AT THAT BODY, 

LOOK AT THAT BODY!  

I WORK OUT!!!!"

WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE

"I WORK OUT!!!"

Why can't it always be this good?

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE/MEN?!?!?!

Are we still doing this???

I'm ready to castrate this bad trend.

coming soon......Vegas baby!

karma

River jumped in the car after school and said, 

"Look maw!  I got an award".  

From the back seat, Darius and Maddie start laughing as they told me how they were sitting in class, and over the intercom was an announcement congratulating River for being Citizen of the Quarter along with his mug that popped up on every classroom TV! 

Riv hated his beginning of year picture and didn't give the photographer my check because he didn't want a packet of proof of how awful the pictures were.

He thought he had gotten away with the voided pictures.......

until yesterday!

The lesson is:

If you lie to your mom about losing the check to buy your school pictures, 

and then she doesn't have one to put on her wall in front of the last 10 years of school pictures, 

then karma is gonna bite you right in the ass in the form of mass ugly picture distribution!

Missing Persons

MISSING!!!!

My little boy has gone missing.

I only see small remnants of him left behind.

An impersonator in a teen body and hip* clothes claims he is my son......

but I have a hard time believing his deep voice as truth.

NO REWARD OFFERED

 due to the fact that all my money was spent on said impersonator in food, paint ball, clothes, and did I say food?

In fact, I will be doing the opposite of a reward, and am setting up a donation fund to feed the alien-teen-impersonator body that has taken over my little boy.

Cash or checks only please in the incriments of hundreds.

Checks can be made out to:  Broke as a joke-Mutha

And in the Memo please write:  Lost her marbles

Thank you for your generous donation,

and have a great day :)

*OMG!! I am out of touch and old!!!  
Who uses the work "hip" anymore?????

A new year of unpredictable

I still see my baby boy under the mature bone structure and shaved beard.

Watching him age isn't always a joy for me.

Especially when it comes to hormones and a bit of rebellion.

They both are connected to a girl, whom I am NOT fond of.

Riv knows exactly how I feel, and I think he enjoys seeing me shake and sputter over the issue.

I bite my tongue the best I can to not spew my negative opinion, 

while still trying to let him know I will pull reign very tight if I have to for his best interest.

On the other side of it, the intellectual conversations we are able to have are amazing!

Of course, they are mostly one sided intellect, since Riv is much smarter than Randy or I [combined] will EVER be!

He is responsible, respectable, patient, empathetic, gentle, happy, and as I am finding out, a standard unpredictable teenager.

Jax's sense of humor is always goofy and has me bent over in stitches!

His tenderness, and compassion are genuine and so deep it can be painful for Jax.

We have had many recent moments with my 12 year old boy, curling up in my lap for me to rock him back to sanity.

His state of mind and emotions are on a continual roller coaster that leaves us all woozy and scared.

Jax's future is the most unpredictable subject in our lives right now.

Unpredictable has become my cling on.

And for once, I am giving up my control [lack of] and taking it

day by day, laugh by laugh, tear by tear......

and trying to keep cheerful during this mind-fuck of ring around the rosy.

One time at band camp......

Riv and his friend Darius play the bass clarinet in middle school band.

Riv wanted to get one of his arts credits out of the way before he hit high school, so band was the artsy fartsy way to complete the task.

Riv was, "OMG I hate this band class. It is sooooo stupid and lame", until a couple weeks into it.

Now, he enjoys practicing and was looking forward to the Christmas concert held at the school one evening last week.

The sound of a child's Christmas symphony and  the pride I have in my son, will make all the darkness fade to a distance.

Being around River and his music, makes my spirit bright.

Under the big top

No, Riv's finger isn't broke.

He is so double jointed that he can bend all of his digits to the back of his hand like dislocated hinges.

UGH!!!  It totally creeps me out!!!

It just aint normal dammit!

Riv enjoys using the freaky fingers to chase me around the house and hear me scream.

Welcome to my circus!

It's a daily freak show.

Upcoming freak show events:

the bearded lady [me]

the man with toxic body gas [rand]

 the boy who can devour an entire box of cereal in one sitting [jax]

the dog who poops 10x's her own body weight daily [daisy]

dat da dada da da dat da dada da da

afro circus, afro circus

polka dot polka dot 

afro circus

I am tired! Oh, and Happy Halloween!

Jax is still obsessed with Spider man. 

To the point that I actually had to tell him that I was not buying an adult Spider man costume ($49.99) for him to wear for the 5th,  8th or whatever year in a row!  We compromised on him cutting the Spider man Spider into his punkin.

Riv pretended like he didn't care if his punkin was even carved at all....

that was until he watched Jax carving his!!!!!!

He conceded to a Guns N Roses (GNR) style punkin.

Jax had his last year that he could participate in a school parade today.

[so weird to have their last adolescent years of elementary be over]

There were many regulations of dress code enforced.

Jax came up with the idea of a NASCAR mechanic when he noticed a Budweiser signed banana at Savers Thrift Store.  

To Jax, it said "mechanic" ALL OVER IT!!!!!

[We had to fold the Budweiser stamps to the inside so he wouldn't get sent home for 'indecent, encouraging advertising']

The costume came together simply with help from the computer print out names and colored markers.

I rushed home from work to help the kids get ready for Halloween, and this is what I found.

I am tired......I will need a second job to feed all these kids.

Seriously!!!

I am sooooo TIRED!!!

I am helping raise many children and I am TIRED!!!

I love it....................

AND I AM TIRED!!!!!

How the hell does the 19 kids and counting momma do it??!?!?

uhhhhhhhh [deep breath]

So, since I am off track now with the subject, because I AM TIRED, I will wish you all a Happy Halloween  2012 and call it a night!!!!

xoxoboo

Get it when you can

When you have the social life* that this kid has, you gotta catch up on the ZZZZZZZZZ's while you can.

Even if it's during a hunting seminar just minutes before you are handed a shotgun!

***You think I'm kidding about the social life???

uh...well, I'm not!

I don't know how this son of mine finds time to go to school, pick his nose or pay any attention to his poor old parents sitting at home waiting on his beck and call to shuttle his ass around!

hmmmmm......I have no idea where he gets this social side of him?

Probably from Mr. Party animal Randy!

Yep!!! I'm sure of it.

I forget sometimes

River and I were sitting on the couch talking.

Well, there was talking combined with some pillow fighting and Riv's stinky feet trying to be shoved up my noseholes in a wrestling move.  Any time you sit with a 14 year old boy, you never really sit.....there is some sort of fidgeting, thumb war, burping, boogers or ninja action going on.  But we still managed to have a conversation!!!!  

A conversation with a teenager!!!  

Things were going swell :)

This was the convo:

Me:  This is your dad's schedule for next week.
 [I gave him the itinerary]

Riv:  Oh.  Ok.  

Guess what is happening next week.?.

Me:  What?

Riv:  Just guess!!

Me:  Hmmmm......I'm not thinking of anything.  

Does it have to do with your school?

Riv:  Geez mom!!!  

How unpatriotic and unsympathetic are you???  

Think of the dates on the calendar!

Me:  What do you mean?  The only thing that I can remember that is coming next week is me and your dad's anniversary.  

What am I missing?  

Wait!!!!  

Now I remember.

The 9.11 anniversary :(

Riv:  I would have to say the 9.11 anniversary is a bigger deal than you and dad's anniversary!
How do you forget 9.11?

Me:  How can you say that?  If it wasn't for the fact that me and your dad got married, you wouldn't even be alive!

Riv:  Um.....mom.......

I would still be alive even if you and dad never met.

Me:  Shit!!!!  You're right!!!  

I forget sometimes.

What's the cost?

Both of my boys had been spouting off  about all the things they want to have bought for them buy.

I finally came to my senses and told them:

"Make a list of the top three things that you want.  Write the cost of each one next to it.  I will pay for half, and you will be responsible for the other half.  At the bottom of the paper, write how you will devise a plan to earn your share of the money."

This was River's list:

Crossfit Traing Classes : $60/month

New Phone:  $100

Freedom:  PRICELESS

**Curfews and freedoms have been the biggest topic lately between River and me.  It's a tug-of-war. I only know to make the rules by using my gut instinct.  But then my gut instinct tells me that my gut instinct is constantly nauseous and confused.  Letting Riv prove trust and learn his own way, has a fine line next to it.  The other side of that line is that road that leads to never getting them back under your reign again.

 I will take these teen years of him feeling smothered and pissed at his parents; rather than hate us as an adult for not protecting his adolescence.

Right of Passage....and Passenger (seat belt) Rights

Riv started out his Memorial Day by attending to his scout duties at 6 am.

He and his troop placed American flags in the front yards throughout the neighborhood.

After coming home to take a quick nap and shower, the dudes were off to the desert for some dude time the way dudes like to do dude things.

Dude fun = Big trucks and Big guns!!!!

[Being a non-dude means I stay home during dude outings.  

I am out numbered.  

It's not that I don't enjoy driving trucks fast 

and shooting guns in a hot windy desert...

I mean, what girl wouldn't??? Right?

I just find that sitting in a massage chair with a Starbucks, a trash mag, and my feet in a pool of smelly salts getting a rub down is more my style]

Riv's bum fit perfectly in the drivers seat. 

Rand was proud of Riv's driving ability!

[even though I could see he was strapped in tight to his seat belt riding to

THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE!!! 

HEY!!!! You never know when a rabbit, 

or a field mouse,

or a crater,

or an alien

will jump out in front of the truck that your

teen son is driving, 

 and you need to be restrained DAMMIT!!

Safety first!!!  Safety first!!!]

Riv has been looking forward to this day of shooting practice.

He loves everything about guns;

the way they feel in his hands,

the force behind the impact of the gun and the bullet that thrusts his body backward.

He respects their power and has become a pretty good little marksman.

Riv was invited to a 'Hunters Ed Plus' program.

It is paid for by the state of Utah and other contributors.

They will teach more extensive rifle training and actually take him on a small game hunt.

"My Father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me"

~Jim Valvano

Dude time get's two thumbs up!!!!