Don't say a word!

Every morning is the same ritual:

-Drag my tired, defiant butt out of bed, 

-turn on the Keurig, 

-wake up the boys, 

-get River's glass of milk and vitamins placed in the usual corner of the counter,

-make Jax's oatmeal and place his meds and vitamins next to his orange juice.

I also get my thyroid pill out of the cabinet since I'm in the middle of  the 'family drug dispense".

One recent morning, I wasn't in right mind.

I remember putting my pill next to Jax's pills with intentions of taking mine when my coffee was done.
I'm sure you can see where this story is going.
So, I leave Jax to catch the bus on his own while I drive Riv to school.
About a mile from home, I pick up my coffee mug and thought, 
"hey!! did I take my pill?"
Then I had one of those 'everything stops and goes in slow motion' flashback of where I put my pill [next to Jax's] and that I didn't actually take it.
I immediately call Jax, hoping he is still home, and hasn't done what I have asked of him! [which was take his pills before he got on the bus]
RING, RING, RING, RING, RING, RING,.....
It felt like eternity before he finally answered the phone.
Jax: "Hi mom!"
Me:  "Hey!  Did you take your pills?"
[praying he would say no]
Jax:  "Yep!!! Sure did!"
Me:  "Did you take all of them?  
Ya know, all that was sitting there?"
Jax:  "Yah....why?  Is something wrong?"
Me:  "Nope! Nothing wrong!  Just wanted to make sure you took them.  Have a great day at school!"

We hung up and now I have River freaking out.
I turned to Riv and said, "Don't say a word to Jax about this!  It will throw him into a total spastic, paranoid meltdown!"

I then get Rand on the horn.
Me:  "BABE!!! OMG!!!!! Jax accidentally took my thyroid pill!!!!  I don't know what to do!"
Rand:  "Does that mean he will start acting like a girl? WAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Me:  "WTF!?!? No he's not gonna act like  a girl!!  Didn't you pay attention to my endocrinologist when he was explaining the hormones and the thyroid and the everything?!?!?"
Rand:  "Yes, I paid attention.  I was just trying to be funny"
Me:  "Well I'm freaking out right now!!! Nothing is funny!"

I dropped River off at school and barreled my way down the Banger doing 80 mph because I couldn't get home fast enough to call poison control.  I needed to find out if Jax was going to grow a tail or an extra toe or something!!!!
The nurse-man on the help-line was very comforting and trying not to show how much of a lame call this was for him.  He calmly had to repeat to me, that all of Jax's meds, food, and vitamins, cancelled out any effects of the thyroid pill.

WHEW!!!!!  What a relief!
I felt exhausted by the time my help call was complete.
I swear I had just given birth to a 10 pound bundle of nerves!

I called Randy with the information and an apology.
He accepted it, and chalked it up to 'another one of my wife's erratic behaviors'.

Jax still doesn't know about this frantic emergency call, and as far as I'm concerned, HE NEVER WILL!!!!

Now, help me think of a good excuse to explain to him as to why he is growing a 3rd nipple.

There is no such thing as a "fashionable" lift shoe

[the left knee is twice the size of the right knee thanks to great parenting!]

Three days ago, Jax came home from school complaining of his knee hurting.

I didn't really listen to him.

"oh....uh huh.....hmmmmmm.....it will feel better soon"

I'm not sure why I rarely take these kind of things serious.

Maybe it is from so many years of jumping to their every sniffle and realizing after a $25 co-pay that a sniffle didn't mean death, it meant a dust particle flew up their nose!

Thank goodness Jax's school nurse took the knee problem seriously because if not, we could be dealing with a knee-less child right now people!!!! 

Can you imagine?!?!?!

We would have to get him one of those 'lift' shoes to compensate for the short leg.

And let me tell you, I've nevah seen a lift shoe that didn't say "gimp-o-la" all over it!

ugh!  I just can't even go there!

The nurse drew a pen mark around the inflamed area and called me to say that I would need to take Jax to the doctor if the infection looked to be spreading beyond the ink.

The next day, I gave Jax two Ibuprofen and sent him on to school.

'eh, you're gonna be fine!' I said.

I picked him up at the end of the day and he didn't look well.  He fell asleep in the car and immediately went to bed when we got home.

After a little rest he came to me with the knee blaring heat and black ooey gooey stuff seeping out of a pore.

The redness was waaaay beyond the drawn circle and he was begging for me to release the pressure of the pain by squeezing out the infection.

I squoze until I couldn't sqeeze no mo!  Then I gave him a hot pack and sent him to bed.

This morning he came to my room at about 4 am crying.

The knee had a heartbeat of its own and apparently an internal inferno too.

I bitch slapped myself aware of how bad this really was!!!!

WTF am I thinking????

Yah....don't worry about nominating me for mother of the year!

I've already applied for mother fuck-up of the year and I'm pretty sure I'm in the top three contestants for this one!!!!

I made the first doctor appt. of the day.

The doctor had concerns right away.

I won't bore you with the blah blah's of it, but it comes down to 

Jax's knee has cellulitis.

Jax was given some horse pills to take 4x a day, and a second check up tomorrow morning which may entail IV antibiotics.

The kid can barely walk!!!!

I have nothing more to say.

Shame silences me.