I wish my kid was blind

Yes people!

I wish my kid was blind.

I make this horrible statement because of my own ego and vanity stooping to an all time LOW!

Jax had me sit for a half an hour so that he could sketch the profile of my face.

Apparently when my kid looks at me, 

he sees Granny Clampett mixed with Granny Tweety.

And you wonder why I want him blinded??

Enough said.

I'm buying fake ones

I just haven't felt good for weeks.

Let me share the list of gorey details with you:

~Headaches all day long

~Major body and joint aches

~Heavy periods and extreme cramping

 (never had this before! in fact, my monthly doesn't even last but a day and nothing much about it ever bothers me.)

~Sore throat that hurts to swallow and feels like my glands are swollen....raspy voice

~Muscle cramps

~Easily irritated

[my poor family]

~Dry, itchy skin

~Insomnia

~EXHAUSTION!!!!

~Unmotivated 

[everything feels so hard to do]

~Unfocused

~Ditzy, forgetful

~Emotional

 [I get verklempt very easily.  

Everything seems 'so special and endearing' and I 

cry and cry and cry!!

Jax asked why I was crying while watching a YouTube video of people flashmob singing!  

Even he knew this was not worthy of tears!]

~My internal temperature is either as 

brutally hot as the center of the earth,

OR I have the entire bodily chills that can not be cured by anything less than a boiling water shower.

AND the worst part of all of this....

is that I've gained 9 pounds in a little over 2 months!!!

I hardly eat enough to warrant  that  kind of  gain so quickly!!!

Unless you count Starbucks highly caffeinated house coffee with fat free milk as a food group, then I guess I over indulge every day!

[it's the only way i can stay awake to function]

I was feeling like I was the verge of a major virus continually, but it would never go to the next step....it would just stay in that annoying state that keeps a person paranoid that they are going to wake up with pneumonia/cancer/death and not be fully prepared! 

I started taking large amounts of Vitamin C as a precaution.

Nothing helped me to feel better and I was sick of feeling like SHIT!

I went to my doc and told her about my issues.

She did a whole blood work-up on me that required 6 large vials.

She tested my hormones for menopause, tested for arthritis, tested my thyroid, and tested my blood counts. 

Can you test for CRAZY through blood? 

 If so, she probably tested me for that too.

At the end of our visit I started crying [again] and told the doc that,

'I just know that nothing medically is wrong with me.

This is all about the fact that  I am 

 old 

and fat

 and lazy 

and have an ugly woman-beard

 and it will all continue to go to hell,

 but I need the results to tell me to pull up my panties 

and do something with myself! 

I'm having a hard time doing it on my own!!!'

Doc called me Thursday with the results.

My thyroid decided to slow it's ass down to almost a complete stop!

I started to cry [again] as she told me that my issues are not in my head, and that there is a true physical problem happening.

She said it's probably been slowly shutting down for a few months and some stress combined with age has abruptly kicked into stagnant mode.

I AM THE POSTER CHILD OF THYROID DISEASE.

Although it is quite common, there are still a lot of people undiagnosed, that go on feeling horrible thinking that age has caught up with them and they will have to live with feeling shitty forever.

I am fortunate to be getting help for it now and to get back to feeling like me again.

So from now on, I will be buying my fake hormones to take everyday for the REST OF MY LIFE!

It's like I always say:

A pill a day keeps the straight jacket away!!!

[i've actually never really said that before.....

but it sounds appropriate at this point]

{what hope do the rest of us have?}

"Lets all stop speculating about Ashton and Demi.  We have no idea what they are going through...... 

aside from puberty and menopause."

~Joan Rivers

ok...I have to admit,

I went through a stage of obsession regarding the saga of Ashton and Demi.

I'm pretty much over it now....

t'was a short lived celeb obsession.

But I do have one question:

If Demi Moore can't keep a guys attention....

then what hope do we as commoners have?

I mean....

IT'S DEMI MOORE for sexy's sake!

She is the poster child of age reversal and 

what we all aspire as 40-somethings to look like.

(I have a strange feeling she could be a bit whack-a-do tho?!?!)

It makes me just want to end the fight I have with age,

 and wave the white flag proudly while 

I wear a moo-moo 

and house slippers, 

without make-up, 

with wrinkles forming daily, 

and accenting with a grey bun-head.

How effin depressing!