Hubbles

 Auntie E and I love watching the Voice.

We have text convo's about our professional opinions while the show is on air.

Unfortunately for her, she is an hour behind me, so I always get the 411 on the eliminations, winners, etc before she does.  It's fun to torture her with riddles that lead no where regarding the results.

Hey.....I do whatever it takes to entertain her and still make her wait to see the results with her own eyes.

She asked if I was watching the show tonight with my hubbles (reading glasses from the dollar store) and I sent her a picture asking,

"WHERE DID YOU GET AN IDEA LIKE THAT?!?!?"

She sent me a picture back proving:

That even though a person wears hubble telescope glasses, they still might not be able to see.

OPEN YER EYES!!!!!!!

By the way.......

Auntie E texted me with her new i-phone.

The following pictures were attached with the captioned text underneath:

Elise:  "My new front room furniture!"

Elise:  "I love it!!!"

Elise:  "Do you love it?"

I looked at the pictures and proceeded to have this EXACT texting conversation that lasted around 30 minutes when all  was said and done. [with time lapsed in between replies]

Jolie:  "Wow Elise!!!  That is gorgeous!!!  Totally changed the look of that room!  Awesome round coffee table!  I can see why you love it!

Elise:  "Thank you.  The table turns like a lazy susan"

Jolie:  "That's awesome!!  I love the carousel look."

Elise:  "Found it at a little out of the way furniture store.  I am in that room $340.00"

Jolie:  "Design on a dime!!!  You rock!"

Elise:  "By the way.....who U be?"

~~~~~~~~~~~

OMG!!! WTF!!!!  LMAO!!!! 

Just in case you are reading this right now Auntie E, 

I want you to know that you are reading my blog.....

and by my, 

I mean ME.....

Jolie.

Just didn't want to cause any further confusion as to who's words you are reading :)

Screwed, blued, tattooed and bluetoothed

As a get well gift, 

[since my arm has been literally screwed, blued and tattooed 

*see pic at bottom of post], 

Aunt Elise sent me this retro bluetooth along with a card saying,

 "Heard you were having trouble holding your phone.  

Thought this might help"

Auntie E  has special powers of knowing when a diva needs the right equipment to communicate!!!!

 I loved the phone soooo much, that I decided to thank Auntie E with a photo shoot of all the ways it can will be used!

[Paula and Lisa were at my house when I opened it.  

They assisted as models/actresses/demonstrators/victims in the photos as well.]

Please enjoy:

'THE MANY USES OF A HOT PINK RETRO BLUETOOTH'

'The comforts of your own home' use:

"Hello!  Is this Home Shopping Network?"

"What the hell do you mean you are out of the white girl butt booster underwear?!?!?

OMG!!!  Fine then, just give me the miracle ass cellulite cream that comes with a free massage glove!!!  

And send that next day air please!!!"

'The in your car road rage' use:

"Hey lady!!!  

Yah you in the eco friendly electric Toyota!!!

Learn how to drive defensively!!!

Can't you see I'm on the phone, 

cast-ed to my armpit with the other arm, 

and driving with my knees!?!

"Oh Yeah???!!  

Really?  

I'm breaking the law?
Well let me just inform your little goody two-shoes attitude, that driving with my kneecaps is my God given-American right!!!!

AND 

F-you and your bumper sticker that tells me to hang up and drive!!!

'The gossip game with friends' use:

"Ok Becky, you can tell the story now, we are both on the phone listening.

OMG Becky!!!  

No waaaay!

You are seriously telling us that Sheri UN-FRIEND-ED all of us on Facebook????

That little tramp!
Who does she think she is???
NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY

un-friends the 

Real Housewives of Salt Lake County!!!

Oh, hold on a minute Becky.....

the other line is beeping in

"It's for you Lisa.  

Your nanny wants you to come home.  

Don't let your hired help tell you what to do!!  You are the boss!! Remember that!

And besides, we have mani's and pedi's scheduled in 20 mins, so hurry it up."

'The shut your mouth while I am on the phone or I will beat you' use:

"Dammit Lisa!!!!  

I can't schedule our trip to Figi if you don't quit yapping and fighting with Paula!!!  

I'm on the phone,

 and you know I'm deaf in my good ear

 and can't hear in the other!  

QUIET!!!"

"Don't make me turn this Mercedes around!!!"

Disclaimer: Nobody was hurt in the making of this photo shoot.  

And even if they were.....

which they weren't,

but if they were......

they all signed a waiver and participated by their own free will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, the fun screwed, blued and tattooed picture I promised you:

That's my ulna bone with seven screws.

Me and this heavy metal

 will rock it out 

side by side 

for the next 12 months.

UGH!!!

But hey!!!  It got me a kick ass hot pink phone, many gifts, cards, well wishes and yummy dinners brought to my house.

Ahhhhh...the extent that I will go through for attention......

Thanks everyone for your kindness and love!!!

It is very appreciated!

Muah!!!!

Ragin Cajun

It's the countdown to what I will call

"Getting Bourbon faced on shit street!"

OH MY GAH!!!!!!!

I can not wait!!!

I'm having an excited anxiety attack right this minute thinking about what kind of adventures we are going to have!!!
It's a good thing I'm typing my words, because I tried to talk to Paula about my trip and became a stuttering, thick tongued idiot!
If you asked me what I was excited about, my answer would come out a little like this:
"tttttttddddddddkkkkkkkkkkkenyadddffvvvvegas fftaxifaaaaaaddddddriverpahpahpaOMGfttttfflaaashbacks......
New Orleans!!!"

OK, so I've packed:

tums-for repercussions from spicy food and drink

umbrella- for walking in the rain

poncho-for those unexpected down pours that an umbrella can not cover

clothes-everything from a swim suit to a maxi dress

shoes-all sensible, yet fashionable to walk miles in

hats-for my kizzy hair in humidity 
and for pure laziness of not wanting to spend time on my fro

camera-to capture the memories
 [of my auntie E and Chelise getting Bourbon faced]

money-to buy myself into a drinking/eating/sight seeing oblivion

plane ticket-to get my ass to Nawleans in a timely manner

pictures of my Aunt Janin and my bro Damon-because I know that they want to be living life large with us....if only in spirit

and last but not least:

mace-to ease my husbands worrisome mind :)

Dude!!!

I'm freakin' going to New Orleans TOMORROW!!!!

The ya-ya sisterhood ambition quote for this weekend:

"Get comfortable baby, I've got a full tank"

It's all about enjoying the ride!

Wahooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Chasing waterfalls

Auntie E told me about these beautiful waterfall braids.

It's so feminine and boho fairy-like.

This would be pretty for a wedding if you put in pieces of baby's breath or daisies.

I attempted this braid on myself and decided that until my wrist is no longer in 'kung fu' position, I may want to put new hair styles on hold.

It looked like I gave a 4 year old free reign to my locks and told them to make it look twisted, lopsided, with as nappie-ass bedhead as possible.

I will figure it out at some point.

I love playing with hair and different styles....

Always have from as far back as I can remember.

Somewhere along the line, I've pissed off the hair Gods though.

I was given 2 boys that require a #1 clipper buzz cut!

If I'm real lucky, they let me put a dibble dabble of pomade in the finger length top!!!!

Where is the just in that?????

Maybe it was all those years of toxify-ing the universe with Aqua Net in the pink can?.?.?

Curse you 80's!!!!

You lied to me.

You told me, "the bigger the hair, the closer to God".

Now I realize that it was the 'Heavy Metal Gods' that they were talking about.

because it lasts for an entire month....DUH!

I can't even believe that it's been a year since my 

'30 days of love'

 birthday celebration that you all sooooo

SPOILED ME TO EXTREMES!!!!

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that there is this abundance of love that surrounds me.

There are not enough thank you's that could ever show my gratitude for the gifts, thoughts, and sentimental words you all shared with me.

Thank you again.....

sincerely!!!!

And so here I am, another year older.....

a few aches... 

and pains.... 

and house moves.... 

and good times...

 and belly fat under my belt.

I opened the door to a FedEx package awaiting my excitement of the reveal.

If anyone knows that I selfishly celebrate my birthday for an entire month or more, it's Auntie E.

And if anyone knows my Auntie E, you know that she is the queen of early prep and gift giving!

I anxiously cut the postal tape and said outloud,

"AWWWWWWE!!!!"

with an uncontained smile.

Inside was this beautiful metal bird cage with candles.

It quickly found it's perfect 'nesting' place on my kitchen counter.

The lime green candles are beautiful accents against the yellow lemons  and oranges of my fruit plates.

In the big yellow "OMG!" bag topped with yellow tissue paper,

[yellow being my fav color!]

was an array of wonderful surprises that had "Jolie" written all over them.

Earrings, bracelet, comedic tissues,

[Auntie E knows that I'm a sap and cry at the drop of 

anything sentimental.....

or funny... 

or happy.....

or just because I'm a crier of all things.

Tissues are a MUST have in my pocket book!]

a plaque to hang above my shoe rack,

a scarfie,

a beautiful turquoise box to put special hidden treasures in,

THE cutest card,

and two hair pretties.

I love this peacock hair clip that was hand made by a lady that she knows.

It's so classy and vintage looking.

The super soft animal print scarf,  'made in Italy' has already received much use.

I tend to wear a lot of browns and blacks, so this is a perfect addition to my wardrobe!

[Because I am a year older, you will be seeing more 'lip pucker' pics since it helps in elongating the face and smooths out the wrinkles!  HELL!!!  I might just walk around like this at all times!

What's an older girl to do but look like she is constantly posing for a facebook 'self shot'????

I'm telling ya!!! 

I'm going for drastic measures these days!]

Thanks Auntie E for always finding the most amazing gifts.

You make 'having' to get older........

fun!

loves, loves loves!!!!!