Coffee hour with the church ladies, the thighmaster, and lilo's daddy

I had to get my torture chamber.....aka the 

"domo ori goto mr. roboto" 

cast re-formed today. 

It was giving me some MAJOR discomfort!!

I was ready to donate it to the S&M store to see if they needed a new bondage device. 

The doc's fixed me right up with the re-fit.

Thank goodness!!! 

 I really wasn't prepared to  have to see anyone in whips, chains, and my donated nude colored fore-arm cast as part of their foreplay!

The time between the cast appointment and when I needed to retrieve Jax from the community center, was about an hour.

It's just enough time to do NOTHING productive....

 especially when you add driving minutes into the mix.

The time restraint gave me permission to do something that

I should do more often!!

~Gather a gripload of free trashmags, 

~drink a cup of overpriced coffee, 

~and sit amongst a variety of characters in the 

Barnes and Noble Starbucks lounge.

Oh how I love this type of mid-day treat!!!

I started my experience by approaching the Starbucks counter.

As I walked with my 'bent arm lefty', I could tell that someone was on my trail and 

trying hard to invade my personal space.

I gave him stern eye contact in hopes of burning him through his retina with my 

'WTF DUDE?!?' lasers!!!

[I know this is the right thing to do to perps that have ill intentions!!! 

 hello!!! 

I've seen my fair share of Oprah!]

The guy is nervous!

I'm talkin, cross-eyed,

 in a stuper, 

balls a clangin' nervous!!!!

As he chokes on his own spit because of stressed cottonmouth, 

he rubs shoulders with me. 

 In a tourette, lack of control way, 

he leans toward the Starbucks girl and says, 

"HI!".

The Starbucks girl gave a hesitant look and quietly said hi back.

I had hopes that his aggressiveness and lack of boundaries meant that he and the Starbucks girl were good friends.

Dammit!!!  

She didn't know him....

This means that the dude is still weird 

and still in my personal space for upcoming reasons.

What happened next was not a shock.

I didn't have to be clairvoyant to see that the freak next to me was going to make his move.

He shakily turns to me, 

[which was hard for him to turn since there was virtually no space between us and my 'stiff arm lefty' was not going to budge for movable space]

I swear he had tears from fears while he asked me  this question in 

a blurted out diarrhea sort of way:

"ARE YOU HERE TO MEET SOMEONE?"

I looked at him with:

1~ relief that his crazy demeanor didn't mean that he intended to hold me hostage and possibly shank me in the 'anger management' isle.

2~  empathy that the fool was not in touch with how to talk to women!

3~ WTF ?!?!?!?!?!? Am I on a hidden camera comedy show?

I blurted out a strong "NO!!!"

He replied, 

"Well, I am here to meet someone 

and you fit her description"

I quickly whispered, 

"nope, not me...I'm just here to...."

then I took my grande misto and walked to find a table far far away from Casanova before even finishing the sentence.

I watched as he took his coffee to the "cream and sugar" station and proceeded to pour himself cup after cup fulls of  complimentary water in a thin plastic tumbler.  

The dude was seriously SO nervous that his throat was closing off.

I couldn't help but feel creeped out and sorry for him in a combined-twisted emotion.  My feelings of creepiness probably came more from the fact that he looked like Lindsay Lohan's dad, than the fact that he was acting so strange.

[spittin image I tell ya!!!!

even down to this tie and coat and receding hairline!!!]

I held my breath as I watched an older processed-blonde walk toward the coffee area.

I just knew it was her!!!!

It was the lady my creeper was there to meet!!!

My nosiness took over and threw my body into extreme hormonal imbalance!!!

Hot flash!!  Hot flash!!!

Thank God I had a stack full of magazines to fan the beads of sweat from my skin!

I was so excited to see how this blind date was going to play out.

I felt very privy to something that the rest of the world Starbucks

had no idea was even happening.

THEN I REMEMBERED THE WORDS THAT LI-LO-DAD-CREEPER SAID TO ME!!!!

"You fit her description"

OMG!!!!!

So what he was saying, is that I fit the description of:

Suzanne Somers!!!!!

Oh hell!!!!

As if turning 41 wasn't bad enough!!!!!

Let's just keep pushing Jolie's ego to the depths of old wrinkle face  lady despair!!!

You've got to be effin kidding me!!!!

I had to take my eyes off of the famous look-a-like hook-up couple before I started to vomit in my mouth.

I was waaaay over focusing on the thought that 

I LOOK LIKE HER!!!!! 

Just typing this gives me heart palps!!

Please give me a minute....

((((breathing in through nose...out through mouth))))

.....finding my chi.....

Ok!  I think I can continue on.....

I am then drawn to the 'Christian Knitting Group' that had their own "3 is Company" gathering.

I eavesdropped on their convo that consisted of spreading gossip of 'ungodly' people in their church.

[OH!!! you don't EVEN want to know my thoughts on THIS one!!!

There would be a lot of cursing and the word 'hypocrite' used evasively from my mouth!]

I wasn't sure of which table that I had been observing, 

was the most pathetic!

Only 20 excruciating minutes later......

  Lohan-dad and the 'ThighMaster' queen, awkwardly parted ways.

You could tell that she 'just wasn't in to him'.

Maybe that started with him making her 

buy her own damn coffee!!!

I was happy to see her walk away from the LAAAAHOOOOOOZER!!

Needless to say, I really didn't read much of  my trash mags......

I had all kinds of soap opera happenings in real time 

right in front of me.

***I had a feeling of  sadness for the unmatched couple as they walked out of the coffee lounge.

Maybe it's a case of looking for love in all the wrong places......

or maybe it's just a case of old age, set in your ways, and bad timing.

I had to remember some wise words given to me by someone in my family.....

"There is a lid for every garbage can"

recollecting the saying rev'd my hope for these individuals looking for their 'later-in-life' soul mates.