day dreaming and crap singing

Ya know how you get driving, especially if it's in a monotonous familiar area, and your mind goes to places that are NOT on the same road your car is on??

[scaaaaary!]

And when you finally realize that you've been sleeping with your eyes open, you wonder how many red lights and old people you have ran through!!!!

It scares the bajeeezus out of me when this happens, and I am always thankful everything looks unharmed from my 'driving dreamscape'.

Last evening, after dropping off Riv at guitar,

and experiencing the 'Bailey's Sister' [see post below], 

my mind was going in all directions with thought WHILE DRIVING.

What happened next was humiliating to MYSELF!!!

You have never experienced embarrassment, 

until you actually embarrass yourself, 

TO YOURSELF,

while alone in a car!

My mind-wandering was abruptly halted when I realized I was singing with the the Farmers Insurance commercial......

OUTLOUD!!!!!!

OUT.

 FREAKIN.

 LOUD!!!!!

"We are Farmers, 

da-dah da, da, dah da DAH!!!"

I don't even know who I am anymore.

Bottoms UP sister!

I witnessed something that made me do a double take, and even after confirming my eyesight to be correct, I still couldn't believe it!!!

I watched a polygamist woman, 

one that looked much like a sister in this picture, 

but not as ugly....well, kind of as ugly,

yah ok, she was ugly alright, 

but the polyg sista I saw at least had a BIG smile on her face :)

ANYWAY!!! As I was saying,

I watched a polyg woman exit a huge ass-ed suburban,

 [driven by a man wearing flannel and 300 kids strapped in the back], 

and she walked into the...............

Liquor store!!!!

I had already done my 'liquor' shopping and was sitting in my car prepared to back out when the boat load of polyg's landed on the 'State Liquor Store' sinner rock!

I was so frustrated that I missed [by 2 freakin minutes!] a 'once in a lifetime' experience of watching a polyg buy alcohol with a bun and skirt as a sidekick! 

I drove out of the parking lot, and made it across the street still pissed about my bad timing.

Then I said to myself, 

"self! 

flip this bitch around!  

we are spying on the life of a  polyg tonight!!!"

I was excited to see the suburban still parked in the stall next to the one I had left.

SHE WAS STILL IN THERE SHOPPING!!!!

OMG!!!

OMG!!!

I didn't have time to waste!!!

I pulled right up in front of the glass doors to the liquor store.

THERE SHE WAS AT THE CHECK OUT!!!

Luck was on my side and it just got my adrenaline going double time!!!

With a little bit of rubber necking and unbelting myself to extend my body for a better view, I watched the sister-wife purchase a 

LARGE BOTTLE OF BAILEY'S IRISH CREAM!

I know, it would have made the experience more fun and apropo if she had brought out a 12 pack of POLYGAMY PORTER, but  the happiness she exuded by clutching her bottle of Bailey's in a brown paper sack, made me want to 'high five' her and  say, 

"you GO girl! 

get that Bailey's!!! 

drink it up and enjoy your bad self.... 

and your husband....

and his 3 other wives......

and the 27 screaming kids between ya'll!"

Do any of you know if it is OK in the polyg lifestyle to drink alcohol???

Paula said that she know's someone who saw the real life "Utah Sister Wives" in a bar before!

[she could have needed it for a cake recipe, 

but i'm going to continue believing

 she needed it for her sanity!]

Deck the harrs with boughs of horry........

The Holiday season doesn't start til' the frageeelay leg lamp has been plugged in for it's

 'soft glow of electric sex' to gleam.

When we moved, I had sold most of my Christmas decor at the yard sale.

So, when I went to 'deck the harrs with boughs of horry' this year, there was no fa ra ra ra ra to do it with.

One of the few things that I did keep [along with Rand's leg lamp and our original tree with the boys' hand made ornaments], was a large unopened box of  variety ornaments that a friend had given me from last Christmas. I was thankful it made it through all of the moves and chaos.  I proceeded to spend HOURS tying fishing line to each ornament end and then attaching the other end of the line to my light fixtures.

Thank God for wine!

She was my friend that night!

ARGH!!!!!

I really like the looks of the finished designs.

But ask me how I feel about it when Christmas is over. 

My attitude could change dramatically.

The tightly knotted line that needs to be snipped with teeny, tiny scissors, will require more wine AND a nerve pill!

These eclectic pieces are new purchases. 

I really like the mod-podge look of them together.

It reminds me of the uniqueness in all of us.

It takes tall, round, pretty, classic, short, and bizarre to make the world of differences......beautifully co habitable.

FA RA RA RA RA RA RA

2 Ryans/24 hours

We have broke a movie rental record!!!!

Within one week, we have seen 3 movies in a row that have been

so damn good!!!

I told you about "Our Idiot Brother" which was awesomely epic rental #1.

We watched that show last weekend.

Between that movie being so great and leaving me wanting more movie experience.....

and my body feeling a bit flu-ish,

 I've been in total lazy, 'watch a flick' mode.

Friday night we watched "Crazy, Stupid, Love".

The story line was very well written.

BUT the best part(s) are...................

 laying your eyes on Ryan Gosling's parts.

You thought you fell in love with him in the "Notebook"?!?!?

OH!!!  You have NO idea sista!!!!

Ryan has surpassed the Notebook hotness in this new movie by  a good gazillion percent and maybe a few more ab packs!!!

This boy isn't real.

I'm pretty sure of it.

Perfection of this nature is not human.

For our adventurous Saturday eve, 

we chose "The Change-up" to entertain our nasty, demented minds.

This show is crude, and naked, and incorrect

in sooo many ways..........

WHICH MADE IT THE FUNNIEST DAMN THING I'VE SEEN SINCE BRIDESMAIDS!!!

And guess what???!??!

Another hot Ryan for me to enjoy within 24 hours of the last one!

Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman are a great comedic duo.

We chose to watch the original version (rated R) since the boys were just a room away from us.  We didn't want them walking in on something "unrated" in the chances that we couldn't hit the STOP button fast enough.

After seeing the 'normal' version, I think we made a wise choice.

Although, it's got me very curious as to how far they would really take this movie to levels that are XXX.

hmmm....ok, I'm gonna have to re-rent this sucker!

UNRATED version here I come!

Gnarly!

I am going to chalk up Jax's ill temperament in the past, to this.

If I had a molar that was embedding an evil meat hook root system to take over my head, I would be an asshole too.

Have you ever seen anything so gnarly?

This one caused a few tears and beads of sweat as we removed it.

Poor dude :(

Wontcha be my neighbor

Some very well hatted, scarfed, and gloved people,

 (at least I hope they were! it's very cold out there!) 

anonymously came through our neighborhood last night and tied red holiday bows on everyone's mailboxes.

The red bow on my post box  has served it's purpose.

It makes me remember that there is

a lot of good IN people,

 and that  a community can bring comfort and tidings of joy.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

What a shocker!!!!

After asking how school was today, Jax proceeded to actually tell me something that he learned!!!!

I'm sure that most of you realize that when your children decide to share their day's education with you, it is quite the phenomena!!!

You STOP what you are doing, open your eyes widely and put on your attentive listening ears!

This shit only happens once in a........NEVER!!!

Jax said that he learned which finger is the longest on your hand.

I'm like, 

"are you kidding me? 

 that is what you learned?!?!? 

 doesn't everybody know its the birdie finger!!?! 

 really now!  who doesn't know that!"

My frustration level was starting to excel since I truly DID drop everything, and this is the kind of crappy education info I'm getting?

Then Jax says, 

"nope!  it's not the birdie finger.  want to guess again?"

His statement made me seriously look down at my hand, and re-evaluate the length of my fingers....

like a total dumb-ass.

[did you just do it too?!?!?]

It was around this point that he couldn't hold back the giggles anymore.  With a shit eatin grin, he held up his hand for me to see which finger was the longest on HIS hand.

I couldn't help but laugh til I was in tears.

The looks of this prosthetic is so funny....

for many reasons.

His inventive witty humor is reason number one.

AND reason number two is ..........

well, let's just say that Jax has NO idea what the "shocker" is, 

but.....um....hmmm...uhhhhhh.....yikes!!

Washing my eyes with turpentine, repeating to myself:

go to a happy place

go to a happy place

go to a happy place

My hoo hoo's

I don't know if it's because of the damn pigeons and doves that shit house themselves on my roof, but I've had  a strange pull to decorating my home with birds.

I really like this set of birds resting on a wire.

But my favorite bird right now is the owl.

And my attraction started with this little jewel.

This big eyed cutie pie was my second owl adoption.....

And this one is my newest addition that I've incorporated into my Christmas designs.

I like that they are all quirky different.

My life long rebellion isn't limited to only outside of my house as you can see.

Isn't that funny that decorating with  a few 'hoo hoo's' make me feel rebellious!

And the best part is that I can  have rebellion around me 24/7!?!?

owls=rebellion=comfort

hmmm....maybe I should have started decorating in coo-coo birds....seems more appropriate now that I read my 'rebellion' testimony.

My hell!!!!

Why do you people let me loose on this keyboard?!?!?

We all pay dearly for these lunatic thoughts you know!

Hey man!!! I bought you something

If I had a lot of money

I would buy every 'bottle tippin' guy I know

 one of these flasks.

Let's just pretend I have a lot of money ;)

K!!!

Oh!  This will be fun!!!

There is a small box....it's gift wrapped.

A very classy type of gift wrap of course, 

because there is such a classy gift inside!

A blue and silver ribbon finishes the box along with a jingle bells name tag that reads:

"your name here Mr. cool dude that I know".  

I bought you this flask that holds your spirits and also lifts your spirits in words :)

Merry Christmas and Cheers MoFo!

Love,

The best gift giver ever :)

Jolie

My BBQ invite

Short. Simple. To the point.

River told me he has a girlfriend.

And then he told me to stop asking so many questions.

Right!!!!  

Like I am gonna let this one go!?!?!?

He invited me to this BBQ and I'm gonna be

'all up in his grill' like ShaNaeNae gone wild on a rack of Southern ribs!!

I am very hungry for more information!!

I am thankful for the invite though.

I'm glad he's willing to let me in.

Even though the convo is very minimal,

 it has enough deets to give me a chuckle and a stroke all at the same time.

SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!

sorry about all the stupid bbq/grill/ShaNaeNae/ribs lingo....

i've gone a bit mad.

news of your children experiencing relationships for the first time makes a mother go out of her mind.

i just want to put my hands over my ears, close my eyes, and rock back and forth repeating to myself, "always my baby he will be".

but i know that eventually i have to open my eyes to the truth.

my kids are growing up.

Flies in the Vasoline

I have such a love affair with Palladia.

It truly is:

EPIC.AWESOME.MUSIC!

This month they are featuring

Stone Temple Pilots.

Oh yah!!!

STP* baby!

If there is anything that gets my motor runnin' and speeds me back in time to the 90's, it's the funky assed lyrics of STP and the lovely sound of Scott Weiland's voice.

I seriously wore out my original purchased cd and had to buy a second one due to overuse.

I loved/love this album!

The "Chicago live" concert on Palladia DOES NOT DISSAPOINT!!!!

Scott W. has been known for his "David Bowie" type style that is a bit on the femme side.

He moves like Jagger and is rock star eccentric.

He's had his drug demons come and go, which I'm sure amplifies his quirks, but I think this dude is kick ass!

Even though I realize how "out there" Scott W. is, I was shocked when I watched him slither up to the guitarist Dean Deleo, and they mutually puckered up and kissed.

Concerts I would have totally expected to see this at:

Madonna

Lady GaGa

Adam Lambert

Britney Spears

Queen

SOOOOO not what I was expecting to see at an STP rock concert.

I've heard ROCK OUT LIKE YOUR COCK'S OUT, 

but I didn't know some people take this literally.

Regardless, it's a bitchin' concert and STP still puts on a bitchin' show!!!!

Check it out if you can!

*I met a band called 'The Garage Boys'.  They play out of Vegas and Reno.  The front man is a dead ringer in looks and voice to Scott Weiland.

They are good!

Look them up sometime if you are in that NV area.

It even has a River

We watched this movie last night.

LOVED IT!!!

You immediately fall for  'Ned' (the idiot brother) because he

is so sweet, giving, unassuming, and all about love.

His family of sisters soon realize how great he is too :)

It's totally worth a Redbox buck and your time spent.

Plus there is a little boy named River who is Ned's nephew.....

Made me even more in love and happy to watch this movie.

It's a feel good, funny must see!*

*for adults only

Stayin' alive, Stayin' alive!

Meet Ike.
Ike is my mother in law's love child that she adopted a month ago.
He is blind and deaf, 
yet has been able to cheat death many times this last month.


Just an example of a few of  Ike's death defying experiences:
~He was adopted by  mo-in-law just hours before his scheduled euthanization.


A few days later:
~He fell off of a 3 story balcony to pavement below.....
 and survived without any harm.


After making the balcony dive,
(without Carol knowing he was M.I.A.,  or that he even fell)
~He stumbled through the AZ streets, without getting hit by a car, for at least 1.5 miles until a kind family took him in and called the animal control, who brought him back home after a couple of days missing.


Doesn't the 'Mr. Magoo' episodes come to mind?!?!?

Ike has a purpose here....
if only he could see what that was.

What NOT to get your spouse for his 45th birthday

I guess a personal blood pressure machine isn't a real good idea to give someone turning 45.

Apparently it makes them feel even more concrete that they are 'this' close to DEAD.

DEAD!

DEAD!

DEAD!

I know, I know.

It's along the same lines of a dude giving his chick a mop for Valentine's Day.

It's offensive.

And, if you could have seen the disappointment and lack of lust in his eyes as he opened it, you would cringe with uncomfortableness.

I kind of think he was hoping is was a joke.

I feel like a total fart face right now :(

BUT!!!  

In my defense.....

come on, just hear me out.....

We have been very worried about Randy's blood pressure.

He's always been healthy and in the correct number ranges for a healthy male.

But these last months have taken a toll on him and he hasn't been feeling well.

Dizziness, passing out, vertigo, confused and weight loss.

We both had an assessment for our health insurance where they do all of the blood work and blood pressure and weight and fat % and YADA YADA YADA.

Everything came back in good range except for his blood pressure, which he was in denial about, and had the poor gal re-test it like 6 times!  Each time, the numbers climbed.  We are pretty sure it's because of his nerves, but there is still reason to be keeping an eye on his health.

HENCE THE BLOOD PRESSURE MONITOR GIFT SET!!!!

It truly was a gift of love, 

but I will make up for the

 "you are 45 now, and almost dead"

 gift to Rand in someway.

I'm thinking it will  probably involve a trip to Victoria's Secret :)

Talk about raising someone's blood pressure!

HUBBA! HUBBA!

BOW CHICA WOW WOW!

See!!!!

I told you my gift is the universal gift that keeps on giving!

On this day in 1966......

Randy.

is.

forty-five.

today.

HOLY SHIT!!!!

RANDY IS 45 TODAY!!!!

FOUR TEEEE FIVE!!!

When did this happen????

ya know,.......... old.

When  did old happen??

Apparently, right before our eyes.

Right before my eyes,

 I  still see the sweetest, 

most compassionate, 

epically handsome,

truest man I know.

If this is what old looks like,

well then I am a lucky woman to wake up next to it every day :)