The six degrees of a bloody mary

Jay forwarded me this picture that his niece posted on her Facebook.

No, you are not looking at an all you can eat midget buffet.......

You are looking at the most glorious HELLA Bloody Mary concoction ever created!!!

It comes with a large stalk of asparagus,  a half a weenie, a block o' cheese, a shrimp on a pick, and the grand daddy of them all....

A FAAAAHREEKIN CHEESEBURGER SLIDER!

Hey Jay!!!  

Yes you! 

Mr. Jay Brown!!!

Build it and they will come!

Its a double dog dare!

I was telling Chelise about this meal in a mason jar, and she envisioned

Christina Aguilera right away! 

I concur that she would look much better with a cheeseburger skewered on her head rather then this record/space saucer/tilt-a-whirl in her platinum weave!

And then Christina and her titters could look right in the camera and say, 
"Eat your heart out Lady Gaga!!!!  

I take my meat well done!"

And then Gaga would lash back with,

"Of course you do......you always get my ground up sloppy seconds that need to have the V.D's cooked out of it!"

And then X-tina would pounce back with,

"Oh GUUURL!!!  I am the founder of dirty, nasty, and 'getcho freak on'!!!!

You can't use me as your whippin post!

Go beat yo meat somewhere else!"

And then from a far........

everyone could hear RiRi asking in a dazed confusion,

"Wait!!! Who's beating someone?

Chris Brown.......Is that you????

After catching sound of the cat fight, Lyndsay was feeling left out.

With her arms above her head, she ran in circles yelling,

"HEY!!!  

What about me??? 

I'm CRA-CRA!!  

Look at me! 

balaaa-wookawooka-caw-eeeeek-meow--brrrrbrrrr-dardardardar-pthhhhhhhh!

See!  I'm totally crazy!!!!

And I'm a dirty too!!!

Why isn't anyone fighting over meat and beat with me?!?!?

I'm still a star you know!"

'As The World Turns in a General Hospital with All my Children'

.......to be continued.......

or not

What my laugh-a-dufilator needed

"SALUTE!"

We said as our shot glasses of Jager 'tinked'.

My favorite gingy from Colorado graced me with her presence for a few days.

Amie knows when a girl needs her friend close by to talk about life issues, give guidance and support, and to celebrate a 42nd birthday.

Thanks Amie!

And because you were so loving and helpful this last week, I won't show everyone the video I made of you singing "Call me maybe".

You are welcome.

And when I say 'YOU'........

 I mean you readers!

Standing next to Amie for a picture, made me finally understand what Paula feels like standing next to me.....

or anyone taller than 5 foot nothing for that matter.

Amie crouching down a foot or three, made it possible to get a picture without me looking like a midge, 

OR having to cut off Amie's head because 

"AWH!!!!  She so tawh, we no fit hewr in da peekchuwr.  

Ahhhhh Sooooo!"

[somehow that accent became a mixture of Chinese and Spanish........

something I like to call Spanese....or Chinish.]

A night with my girls at A Bar Named Sue, was just what our laugh-a-dufilators and beer pallets needed!

The thoughtful cards,  grand expense of gifts, abundance of texts and voice mails, love put into hand made treasures, and genuine time carved out to be with moi,  

spoiled me beyond what is deserving.

I thank each one of you [you all know who you are]

for making me feel embraced and content as I turned another year older.

MUAH!

What I'm listening to

mmmmmm hmmmmmm!!!

I looooves me some Fall Out Boy!!!

I'm so glad they're back together to make this new album!

[Who knew they had even broke up? 

 I didn't til I read about it trying to find this pic.  

I bet it was one of those "Yoko Ono vs Beattles" thing when Ashlee Simpson married Pete Wentz.  

The rest of the band probably hated her because her talent is zilch and she looks like a walking skeleton.  

I think it went like this:  

Pete said to his band mates, "I choose to love this bag of bones over all your bags of balls......

SO GO FALL OUT OF MY LIFE BOOOOOY!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what happened]

~My songs know what you did in the dark (Light em up)~

The video is eh...ok, but the song is so rockin and makes me wanna bust a move and jump, jump, jump!!!!!

Man, it's good!

I

"OMG!!! Get it out of here!"

It's 3 am, we are driving Amie to the SLC Amtrak station to chuga chuga choo choo back to Grand Junction

 [more on our supa fun visit later].

Randy is behind the wheel, Amie is in the front passenger seat, and Ms. Daisy and I are in the back seat like the ugly step children.

Daisy starts to pant in quick breaths.

Then the shaking and trembling comes on.

As if we didn't notice her panic attack, she climbs on my back trying to get my attention!

I roll down the window thinking she is in a state of......................

hell, I had no idea what state that old broad was in!!!

We all were confused and worried when she tried to use my back as a spring board and do a double forward back handspring triple axle out the window!!!!!!

I grabbed her collar, and yelled a few swear words, and got her gripping claws off of my body.

I directed her back to her original seat and told Randy,

"I think she needs to poop.  

Pull over!  

Like, really!  

Pull over!"

And.

 then.

 it.

 happened.

Daisy looked at me with wide eyes and fear as she

BEARED DOWN and took a heaping pile of shit on my seat!!!!!

Let that sink in for a moment before I go on.

dog

poop

car

reek

panic

confused

seat

poop

poop

poop

Ya know, one embarrassing dog poop story should be enough in a persons life time!

[remember the story of "I kicked a turd"?  see it here]

But NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I'm so awesomely shitty, 

that I get two!

As I am trying to keep Daisy from doing a sit and spin in her doggie  dookey, Amie is frantically trying to find me a napkin so I can get rid of the steamy stench.

Amie and Randy are yelling,

"OMG!!!  Get it out of here!"

I responded with,

"I can't do it!  I just can't do it!" 

as I am holding back the pukes and trying not to breath.

I understood our stank-urgency, so I woman-ed up, quickly got my girl-balls under me and aggressively went in for the pile drive.

I was grabbing a turd and chucking it out the window as fast as I could!!!

After the fourth handful of pooh disposed on the streets of SLC,  I wafted the unpleasant air inside the car straight to the outside with a fan like motion of my cupped, kibbles-n-bits-crap scented hands.

Daisy felt much better and had a calmed sense of relief.

[really????!! ya think?!?!]

She then laid down and had continual snores for the remainder of the drive.

Once back at home and parked in the garage, Randy brought to my attention that the poop I threw out the window followed us home!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!!?!?

DOGDAMMIT!