Don't say a word!

Every morning is the same ritual:

-Drag my tired, defiant butt out of bed, 

-turn on the Keurig, 

-wake up the boys, 

-get River's glass of milk and vitamins placed in the usual corner of the counter,

-make Jax's oatmeal and place his meds and vitamins next to his orange juice.

I also get my thyroid pill out of the cabinet since I'm in the middle of  the 'family drug dispense".

One recent morning, I wasn't in right mind.

I remember putting my pill next to Jax's pills with intentions of taking mine when my coffee was done.
I'm sure you can see where this story is going.
So, I leave Jax to catch the bus on his own while I drive Riv to school.
About a mile from home, I pick up my coffee mug and thought, 
"hey!! did I take my pill?"
Then I had one of those 'everything stops and goes in slow motion' flashback of where I put my pill [next to Jax's] and that I didn't actually take it.
I immediately call Jax, hoping he is still home, and hasn't done what I have asked of him! [which was take his pills before he got on the bus]
RING, RING, RING, RING, RING, RING,.....
It felt like eternity before he finally answered the phone.
Jax: "Hi mom!"
Me:  "Hey!  Did you take your pills?"
[praying he would say no]
Jax:  "Yep!!! Sure did!"
Me:  "Did you take all of them?  
Ya know, all that was sitting there?"
Jax:  "Yah....why?  Is something wrong?"
Me:  "Nope! Nothing wrong!  Just wanted to make sure you took them.  Have a great day at school!"

We hung up and now I have River freaking out.
I turned to Riv and said, "Don't say a word to Jax about this!  It will throw him into a total spastic, paranoid meltdown!"

I then get Rand on the horn.
Me:  "BABE!!! OMG!!!!! Jax accidentally took my thyroid pill!!!!  I don't know what to do!"
Rand:  "Does that mean he will start acting like a girl? WAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Me:  "WTF!?!? No he's not gonna act like  a girl!!  Didn't you pay attention to my endocrinologist when he was explaining the hormones and the thyroid and the everything?!?!?"
Rand:  "Yes, I paid attention.  I was just trying to be funny"
Me:  "Well I'm freaking out right now!!! Nothing is funny!"

I dropped River off at school and barreled my way down the Banger doing 80 mph because I couldn't get home fast enough to call poison control.  I needed to find out if Jax was going to grow a tail or an extra toe or something!!!!
The nurse-man on the help-line was very comforting and trying not to show how much of a lame call this was for him.  He calmly had to repeat to me, that all of Jax's meds, food, and vitamins, cancelled out any effects of the thyroid pill.

WHEW!!!!!  What a relief!
I felt exhausted by the time my help call was complete.
I swear I had just given birth to a 10 pound bundle of nerves!

I called Randy with the information and an apology.
He accepted it, and chalked it up to 'another one of my wife's erratic behaviors'.

Jax still doesn't know about this frantic emergency call, and as far as I'm concerned, HE NEVER WILL!!!!

Now, help me think of a good excuse to explain to him as to why he is growing a 3rd nipple.