OH!!! I'm getting you drunk tonight!!!!

Disclaimer:  blogger is doing it's own phantom highlighting again.

I hate blogger!

It all started with a mid-day text from by best 'gingy' friend Amie.

"It's so effin hot here in Grand Junction!!!! 

 I miss you. 

 You should come down and float in my pool and booze it up with me"

She had me at booze.

I called my Paula-girl and extended the float-n-booze invite to her too.

A few days later, Paula and I were on the road headed to Colorado.

The TomTom telling us where to go, Hot Tamales passed back and forth and awesome deep convo's that only road trips allow due to driving time.

We stopped in Wellington to hit the head and Paula asked how much longer we had til we arrived at our destination.

I told her "eh, about an hour" knowing damn well, 

I myself didn't even know WTF I was talking about!!

Hello!!!

That's why I have to have TomTommy boy to tell me where the hell to go!

I'm an idjit when it comes to directions and drive times.

That hour passed, then another, and part of another.....

then we were finally directed to Amie's doorstep.

Good TomTom, Good boy! 

[Although, TomTom was born a boy,

 himmer talks like a lady.  

I don't judge lisps or the fact that TomTom never reached puberty.  

He can't help it if he sounds like a computerized Oprah!]

Hey Paula!!!  That's it! 

 I thought of what to name TomTom.....

he/she shall be called OPRAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Once we arrived to Amie's home, we gave hugs, jumped up and down and then devised the plan of NOT planning and to only go with the flow of where the evening led us.  

But drinking would definitely be planned in our no plans contract because THAT you do have to plan for and as you can see 

[Paula will demonstrate in picture below]

we planned our purchases accordingly.

A CART O' BOOZE!!!!!!

yeeee haw partner!!!!

let's do this no plan rodeo!!!

{Thelma, Louise, and Lucille Ball}

It was hard to contain our excitement with the anticipated fun we were embarking on.

The LARGEST BEER COOLER IN THE WORLD also contributed to the giddy.

Paula and Amie thought it was real funny to listen to me as I accepted a phone call from one of my neighbors.  Daisy had dug under the fence due to her psycho anxiety from rain storms.  Randy wasn't home and obviously, I was in a whole nubba state.  I asked the neighbor to try to get Daisy off the streets and into my house.  Apparently the dog was so freaked out that she went deaf, dumb, and blind.  She was darting in front of cars and running in mad circles.  Daisy would NOT obey the neighbor's commands to follow her so she put her phone on speaker and had me yelling into the phone on my end, 

"Come on Daisy!!!! 

Come girl!!! 

Come home!!!!"

This extreme measure of humiliation was in hopes that Daisy would be comforted by my voice and snap out of the lala land she was tweaking out in.

IT WORKED!!!!!

IT WORKED!!!!!

IT WORKED!!!!!

My soaking, stinky, dazed and confused dog made it to safety via my voice and the unlocked front door.

mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!

Nothin says 'smell good' like a wet dog alone in a house using the carpet and couches as a towel.

ARGH!!!!!

[don't worry, you can still come visit and shouldn't have the stench of an animal shelter attached to you when you leave....

I've been hand scrubbing shiz ever since!]

Our second stop was the nearby Safeway to snag some 'alcohol soaking up' munchies.

[do we know how to party or what???  

when it comes to drinkin and eatin and a good time.......

we don't fuck around!]

Amie has the most inviting home.  No one is a stranger and the laughter and love is spread throughout her property.  Her decor is eclectic, scattered with antique  family heirlooms around a kick-ass updated kitchen.  Her house is outwardly embraced with greenery and blooms of flowers.  But my favorite area to be in Amie's home is the screened room.  It's an indoor/outdoor resort  with plants, waterfalls, loungers, beer coolers and  the aura of relaxation.

This is the area we spent most of our time telling stories, book reviews, family gossips, and playing cards.

At one point, we were starting to lose Paula.

YAWN....YAWN....YAWN

This lil momma was tired due to lack of sleep from being a lil momma.

I knew exactly what we had to do!!!!

It was what I would compare to a defibrillator emergency!!!

I turned to Amie and said with urgency in my voice, 

"Paula needs Jagermeister STAT!!!!  It's the only thing that can save her now!!! Where is the closest place we can get this stuff quickly???  Time is of the essence or we will lose her to the pillow within minutes!"

Luckily Colorado is one of those states that allow you to be a grown up and make grown up decisions by selling mini bottles at the corner mart.

We walk in, ask the stoned checker where we could find the Jager.

It was stalked in a cooler ready for immediate consumption.

I grabbed the mini with intention to purchase.  

Paula said, "oh Jolie, you don't have to buy that.  I can buy my own Jager."

I responded with,

 "OH!!!  I will buy it!  I'm getting you drunk tonight!!!"

You can imagine the stoner- quicky- mart dude's reaction when he heard these words come out of my mouth...... 
He looked back and forth at Paula and the size of the Jager bottle wondering how this was really going to get someone drunk.

[see example below]

Yes my friends, this little bottle half this little bottle is all Paula needs to get OBLITERATED!!!!

[I wrote that word cuz she loves that word.  You're welcome]

The night was perfection with great company surrounding.  Laughter was contagious and I cried til I couldn't breath from everyone's humorous one liners.

As each hour passed, I had twinges of bitter-sweetness.  I wanted to devour all of the minutes we had remaining together, but was fearing the quickness of my departure time the next day.

Before leaving my Gardner family that next afternoon, we had a delicious hangover breakfast at Starvin' Arvin's.

It was pulling the breath and tears out of me to leave them.

They are so good to me.

I realize how fortunate I am to have these friends as my chosen family.

Thank you Gardners!!!!

FFL together ..... forever!!!!!

And thanks to Paula-girl for trusting my driving to get her there and back home safely :)  

She only grabbed the OH SHIT handle a couple or maybe 13 times.