As a get well gift,
[since my arm has been literally screwed, blued and tattooed
*see pic at bottom of post],
Aunt Elise sent me this retro bluetooth along with a card saying,
"Heard you were having trouble holding your phone.
Thought this might help"
Auntie E has special powers of knowing when a diva needs the right equipment to communicate!!!!
I loved the phone soooo much, that I decided to thank Auntie E with a photo shoot of all the ways it can will be used!
[Paula and Lisa were at my house when I opened it.
They assisted as models/actresses/demonstrators/victims in the photos as well.]
Please enjoy:
'THE MANY USES OF A HOT PINK RETRO BLUETOOTH'
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'The comforts of your own home' use:
"Hello! Is this Home Shopping Network?"
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"What the hell do you mean you are out of the white girl butt booster underwear?!?!?
OMG!!! Fine then, just give me the miracle ass cellulite cream that comes with a free massage glove!!!
And send that next day air please!!!"
'The in your car road rage' use:
"Hey lady!!!
Yah you in the eco friendly electric Toyota!!!
Learn how to drive defensively!!!
Can't you see I'm on the phone,
cast-ed to my armpit with the other arm,
and driving with my knees!?!
"Oh Yeah???!!
Really?
I'm breaking the law?
Well let me just inform your little goody two-shoes attitude, that driving with my kneecaps is my God given-American right!!!!
Well let me just inform your little goody two-shoes attitude, that driving with my kneecaps is my God given-American right!!!!
AND
F-you and your bumper sticker that tells me to hang up and drive!!!
'The gossip game with friends' use:
"Ok Becky, you can tell the story now, we are both on the phone listening.
OMG Becky!!!
No waaaay!
You are seriously telling us that Sheri UN-FRIEND-ED all of us on Facebook????
That little tramp!
Who does she think she is???
NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY
Who does she think she is???
NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY
un-friends the
Real Housewives of Salt Lake County!!!
Oh, hold on a minute Becky.....
the other line is beeping in
"It's for you Lisa.
Your nanny wants you to come home.
Don't let your hired help tell you what to do!! You are the boss!! Remember that!
And besides, we have mani's and pedi's scheduled in 20 mins, so hurry it up."
'The shut your mouth while I am on the phone or I will beat you' use:
"Dammit Lisa!!!!
I can't schedule our trip to Figi if you don't quit yapping and fighting with Paula!!!
I'm on the phone,
and you know I'm deaf in my good ear
and can't hear in the other!
QUIET!!!"
"Don't make me turn this Mercedes around!!!"
Disclaimer: Nobody was hurt in the making of this photo shoot.
And even if they were.....
which they weren't,
but if they were......
they all signed a waiver and participated by their own free will.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, the fun screwed, blued and tattooed picture I promised you:
That's my ulna bone with seven screws.
Me and this heavy metal
will rock it out
side by side
for the next 12 months.
UGH!!!
But hey!!! It got me a kick ass hot pink phone, many gifts, cards, well wishes and yummy dinners brought to my house.
Ahhhhh...the extent that I will go through for attention......
Thanks everyone for your kindness and love!!!
It is very appreciated!
Muah!!!!
5 comments:
BaaaaaaaaHaaaaa, you are so funny! I am so glad you are recovering in style. I figured if the stars can use one, so can the Divas. You make wearing a mummy cast look good. Have Paula bling that puppy out!!
Auntie E at your service
OMG I AM LAUGHING SO DAMN HARD I HAVE TEARS! TEARS a runnin down my face! Holy sjit you girls are so damn funny and let me just say, I give momma the award for the gift of the year! Oh, good times...
Parker was tellin me all about this post and how you are the best damn writer he has ever read! He believes your blog would go viral with the right advertising on youtube. He advised me to get my sorry ass on my new techy phone and do somethin for my seester, who I supposedly love so much! I told him to fuck off, but hey, it's a great idea! He believes you will be rich, very soon and since he is your fav, he will be the only one that inherets....ya right?!! I told him he should go smoke some more wacky tobacky!
Paula and Lisa, what be-a-utiful phone models you both are! I hope your bruises from all the bitch slapping heal soon :)))
Omg! We are funny! I am going to get me one of those phones! Thank you for the laughs girls! We are great actresses. For sure we have missed our calling.
Every time I need a good laugh I look at this....so funny! Auntie E....hilarious that you said to "bling that puppy out" because that was the first thing I said when she took it out of the package!
The teeth baring picture of you makes me laugh so hard-I think you look like Lindsey Lohan in it and when I showed my sister, Angie, she said, "She looks like me in that picture!" Go figure.
Hahahehehoho, oh you girls are funny!!!
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