It seems as if I have perma onion breath when it comes to talking to Riv these days.
I bring up a topic of discussion, and he backs away with a sneer.
My ideas and humor is lost on him.
Sometimes I will get a pity chuckle out of him, but most times my stories are received as if he isn't even listening.
I'm a bit rusty on the 'teen' language considering it's been 20++ years since I've been one.
And God knows, the lingo I used back in my day is archaic compared to the comprehension of the 21st century teen these days.
I tried to tell Riv of a near death experience
[near death might be a bit dramatic, just go with it]
and how grateful I am to be alive, home, and
NOT a cooked hot dog!!!!
Still.......[caw, caw in the distance]
nothing but open aired silence from him.
I'm like,
"DUDE!!
Did you hear me???
The Wendover fun-bus I was riding on caught fire!
Smoke was everywhere
and we were all evacuated on the side of the road!!!
I could have come out looking baked like the
'New Jersey tanning mom!'
HELLO!?!?
[knock, knock on his head]
Riv, are you there?
Here, I will say it again only louder,
YOUR MOTHER was on a bus full of oxygen tanks and drunk people that
WAS ON FIRE!"
Does that not mean anything to you???"
Does my life NOT mean anything to you????????????
Why are you not listening to me?
How many times do I need to say
'FIRE' and 'YOUR MOTHER'
in the same sentence before you understand the gravity of this??!?"
River's reply:
"I'm interested......I just don't want to ask details because I know you're just gonna tell me a bunch of stuff I really don't care about."
Those were his EXACT words!!!
It only took a few minutes of my manipulating silence and the cold shoulder for Riv to come up and hug me and say,
"Sorry mom, I really do want to hear about your fire experience."
My reply:
"I love you.
That's all you need to know"
Poor kid having to deal with such lame parents!
I'm getting him this book.
**BTW: no one was hurt in the bus fire and we made it home with only panic attacks and a crazy story to tell.
It was a FULL moon......
Weird things happen.
5 comments:
I hope you were wearing your flame retarded clothing, nothing worse than hot pants on a burning bus.
So glad you are OK.
You can talk to Riv and try to get a response, but that won't happen until he is thirty, so save your energy and just keep him alive till then.
Auntie E
Oh, Jolie. I am so sorry that you are at this stage. Teenagers. It happens so slowly we don't even see it coming. We are the center of their world then one day it's as if we speak another language. It sucks. I am up to my eyeballs in this right now. I still have little boys so I smoother them with all my love and stories and they still like me. I'm pretty sure they'll grow out of it, at least that's what i keep telling myself. :/
I always say honesty is the best policy. At least he is honest. Now you can save your stories for me...except, I was on the bus! Save yourselves! Lol. Gad we made it home safely.
Elise and Megan....
I thought of you both as I wrote this post. You gals have 'been there, done that' and are paving the way for the rest of us teen parenting newby's.
thanks for your comments, good to know we are all going to experience this at one point or another.
I swear, they are all aliens anyway. one day you would die for them, the next day they are little fuckers!
hey lis!!! save yourself!!!!! especially from teenagers and burning buses!!!!!!!!!
I love you girls!!!
Good to hear from you Meg :)
RIVER! I'm disappointed....I thought he would never be a teenager ass. If he doesn't think you're cool then he doesn't think I'm cool anymore either. That hurts. This is a good reminder that I need to talk to my little ones more instead of being on auto-pilot day in and day out....cuz next thing I know-they aren't going to want a thing to do with me.
P.S. onion boy (can't remember his name) couldn't read this post....allergies....that's what I thought it was going to reference when I first saw the onion picture. I'll never see an onion anything and not think of his crazy allergy and the "wa wa wa" pen!
P.S.S. Riv is missing out on a good story cuz it's damn funny! You really were scared we were gonna die weren't you? I couldn't stop laughing/coughing about Lisa, Dale and Odem saving their damn selves long enough to actually worry about it.
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