mes garcon

Mind, heart, soul

[ame de coeur d esprit]

my boy

[mes garcon]

36 years old today

Happy birthday to Damon Do-Do :)

We all miss the little shithead!

Thanks to you all for thinking about my bro today.

The sun was out warming my cheeks,

 and Damon's energy was strong, filling my mind, heart, and soul.

It was a good day.

Sounds like......'.Arrest Me'.....OR maybe not

Jax's school is pridefully the only one in the district that funds learning through dance and song.

I am impressed with this program and am so glad Jax can be a part of something that helps free his soul.

He loves this class and it is generally the first thing  he talks about when he gets home from school.  

OK, maybe the second thing because first he tells me what he ate for lunch.

Lunch is PRIORITY man!

 The parents were invited to a lil' sing-song-dance-along in the school gym to show how much the children have learned in these last 9 weeks.

He had been soooo excited for the upcoming performance, that he gave me a preview of what I could expect to see.

He repetitively (argh!) sang and danced to the "Bill of Rights" rap song because it is his all time favorite.

I started to get concerned with his version when I thought I heard "breast feed" in the lyrics.

I stopped him and said, "hey...sing me that part again".

I was sure that my ear drums had beat themselves so hard due to listening to "Jimmy John's" commercials, that they were now playing naughty tricks on me.

He repeated the line, and again, it ended in "breast feed."

He argued with me that that was FOR SURE the correct words to the song and if I didn't believe him, I could YouTube the video.

So, that's what I did.

Let me just give you a snippet of the correct wording in the verse:

(remember, this is a rap song)

RIGHT NUMBER 4!!!

NO ONE CAN SEARCH AND SEIZE,

IT PROTECTS ME

UNLESS PEOPLE HAVE A WARRANT

TO ARREST ME.

Jax was saying breast feed in place of arrest me.

Sing the song again with Jax's version.

It's damn funny!!!

Yesterday was the recital.  

The dance instructor showed an example of how the children react to different types of music.

She played some classical, and had them do a waltz of sort.  

They all seemed like robots, just going along with the moves as taught.  

Then she had them do the same waltz to a Beatles song.

The change in the kids' faces and the ease in their body movements were astounding! 

It was an awesome experiment to watch.

I have always been a believer in the great power of music.

There were 5 dances: 

#1 ~An African drum beating dance

(This dance was my favorite!!! 

It was so beautiful that it made me cry)

#2 ~The Michael Jackson "Thriller" dance

#3 ~An expressive dance about Lyme disease;

(LOL!! Just saying that they danced about Lyme disease cracks me up!!  This was an interpretive dance where the kids got into nylon body covers and moved around like blood cells, and attacking germs.  Jax was so funny in his man sized body cover, and seemed to enjoy moving in jarred, tweeky movements.  It was kind of one of those things, you say to yourself, "hmmm, I don't know if this was cute, or a bit concerning".)

#4 ~The formal waltz type of dance

And the final dance/song was Jax's 

#5 ~Bill of Rights to breast feed

 I wish I could show you the videos, 

but blogger said NO, 

and I said "OK fine...I don't want to argue."

And blogger thought I said,

"OK fine...I don't want to BBQ."

Words can be so confusing........

I DON'T SPEAK SMEAR

WTF Jiffy Lube?!??!!

Dumb asses!

THINGS THAT JUST PISS ME OFF!

#1~ Jimmy John's sandwich commercials on the radio

PISS ME OFF!!!

I HATE THOSE COMMERCIALS!

I change the channel EVERY time I hear that cracked out dude's voice blabbering.  He rambles so freakin fast, that it makes my ear drums beat themselves!!

They need a better marketing avenue....

ya know, one that doesn't make you want to gag the commercial spokesperson with one of their own "Jimmy John's" sandwiches!

#2~  Walmart employees

PISS ME OFF!!!

I purposely bought two cases of mini water bottles because the sign above them read,

$1.98

(looked like a hydrating good deal to me!  the case was shrink wrapped with 2-6packs of mini's)

At the checkout stand, the blondie said that the price was $1.98 times 2 because of the 2 6-packs in the case.  I didn't argue that their sign was TOTALLY misleading, and that she was the one that was actually WRONG! I just told her that I didn't want to purchase them at that price and to take them back.

Before I could even return my credit card back to my wallet, the biotch behind me had her cart up my ass.

Since she was so rude, I didn't move in a "Jimmy John's" hurry, and figured she could wait until I was done with my shopping experience.

While biotch is now standing elbow to elbow beside me, the clerk starts to ring up the biotches crap....

but not before biotch spouts out that every item she is buying, is $1 at RiteAid.  

What did that Waldouche employee do????  

She trusted the biotch's word, and rang it all in at $1!!!!

Now, what I don't understand is why she couldn't take my word on a sign that Walsuck ITSELF advertised, but she could honor a biotches word regarding a competitors ad?!?!

I know, I know....if I'm going to shop at Walfutz, I need to quit bitching about their bad service.  I will work on that.

And I saved the best for last.....

#3~ Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN)

PISSES ME OFF!!!

In Oprah fashion, she gave me a wonderful taste of her "lifeclasses" every night for the past two weeks.

I actually started to learn things....

Things like life in polygamy, life in porn, life in losing a loved one, etc.

I even started to watch TV daily for her programs!!!! 

(I rarely watched TV before the last month or so)

It's safe to say that I was falling in love with OWN.

Apparently, she took my love to town because now she wants me to pay an extra $10/month to receive OWN!!!

I feel used, dirty, manipulated, betrayed and thrown away.

Thanks a lot 

Oprah Winfrey!!!

You just go on with yo bad self making money hand over fist, while I sit on my couch longing for the OWN that I once knew, wishing for an equal "Oprah" education as those rich people that can afford more than basic cable!

I may not be a starved child in Africa, but I am still a child of the world in need of "lifeclasses".

I thought I knew you Oprah....

I thought I knew you.

YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE CAESAR

We have a dear friend named Caesar, who is willing to help us at any time we are in need.  Usually we call on him when we are in need of physical labor, moving hook-ups, or spicy tamales.  But today, we called upon him to help install a shiz-load of lights that needed to be hung from  the world's tallest vaulted ceilings.

Unfortunately Jax doesn't have electrical experience, or we would have sent his brave butt up that scary ladder and said, 

"wire it up son!".

(remember the smoke detector story?)

The home we bought was a foreclosure.  The dude that owned it/lost it, took a few things with him in his move.  

A water heater, 

central vac, 

random window blinds 

and 

the expensive hangy-downy light fixtures. 

Unfortunately, he didn't take the pigeons or his basement porn collection with him!

uhgggg!

The tight-wad from the bank-repo came and installed $3 ball lights in the place of chandeliers.

Yah...like no one would notice!

These ball lights have been a thorn in our eyeballs since we moved in.

We knew that it would cost a grip to replace said ball lights with the lighting we wanted, so we figured it would be a project that we would have to wait on for a year or so.

WRONG!!!!

We hit the light fixture jackpot stumbling onto a 70% off sale at Lighting Design in Draper!!!!!

HALLAH FREAKIN' LUYAH!!!  

WE SEE THE LIGHT!!!!

We were able to get all the fixtures we needed for a little over $400!!!!

This picture is of the area where an entry light should be....

NOT A BALL LIGHT!

My hell!!!  

Doesn't anyone watch HGTV?!?!?

This was Caesar's first  lighting task we gave him to work on, and it took a bit....mainly because he could only work with ONE hand since his other hand was holding himself on to the ladder!!!!  

This dude fears nothing and WILL NOT give up! 

Viola!!!!

The picture does NO justice for this beautiful piece.

It's just as lovely from the outside as it is the inside.

ahhhhh....I'm smiling :)

Ball light #2 is in our dining area.

Yes, I know....

LAME!!!!

Stupid bank thinking they could get away with this!!!

Well, I guess they did, because we were the fools to look past it. 

But this is the best part!!!!

WAIT FOR IT.....

WAIT FOR IT...........

NO, NOT YET......

OK!

READY???!??!?

A for REALS 

Mexican-Jimmy-rig-ladder-light-hanger-device.

Just get a good look at this contraption!!!!

I couldn't hardly watch these two!!!

For one thing, 

Caesar has a family!!!!

If anything happened to him, I could never forgive myself AND his wife would KILL me!

For ANOTHER thing, 

that little blue step ladder that is bungied to the 40' orange ladder, which is also holding the weight of Caesar at the same time, is about 

20 years old and rusted in all it's joints.

Somehow they pulled it off.....

Viva la Mexico engineering!

This was the final piece I needed for my dining room.

LOOOOOOVE IT!!!

Now for the island light.

I barely had enough wattage in this room to power a flash light.

This was my most frustrating ball light!

I just wanted to punch that light right in it's ball!!!

This was also the most difficult replacement because of the weak support anchors in the ceiling.

Caesar came through again with his Hispanic magic and now........

I have mucho light-o !!!!

yaaaaariba!!! 

yaaaariba!!!!

We also replaced the original ceiling fan with this larger bladed one.

We will move the original fan into the bedroom.....

THAT IS, as soon as the bedroom wall/closet construction is complete.

'As the General Contractor's drill turns' 

will be continued.......

It truly is a soap opera!

Please tell me that we aren't the only jerk-offs that are under continual  house re-vamping?!?!

It's a sickness!!!

We need an addict support group.

McSPECIAL DAY

Today was Jax's special day*

We had a very busy day under house construction, so we weren't able to get to the dinner and movie we had planned for Jax.

Luckily, an Oreo McFlurry at 8pm was enough to make this boy happy :)

*We celebrate the anniversary of the day we signed court docs to legally finalize each boys' adoption when they were 6 months old.

BTW:  For those of you in my 'bitch about Jax's behavior' loop:  Jax has had some consecutively good normal/pleasant/great days.

Which makes every good Jax day,

 my "special day".

 A MONKEY AND A CAT

This kid can monkey his way up, down, across and through any kind of playground equipment.

We've always speculated that he is part chimpanzee due to the fact that his feet are made with power-toes for climbing, and his hands have super human grip and strength.

This kid on the other hand, enjoys the playground in a more 'fetal position' kind of way.  He adds to the 'fun' experience by screaming like a tortured cat with it's ass on fire. 

Just call me the Zoo keeper.

{the adventures of 

Veronica, Charlene, and SiuMing}

Veronica:  Hey Charlene! Do these flip glasses make my ass look big??

Charlene:  My God Veronica!  Would you get over your ass already?  You are always like, 'look at my ass!! hey everyone!!!  I'm going to bend over and touch my knees!!!!  look at MY ASSSSSSS!!'  

Veronica:  Charleeeeene!....are you saying you are jealous?  Jealous of my ass?

Charlene:  NO Vernoica!  I'm not jealous of your ass, OR your lame-o glasses OR your ugly pearl neckalce!!!

SiuMing:  All right you two!!!  That's enough.  You both are beautiful bald flowers that have the luxury of standing next to me while many people walk by to gawk at my perfect fashion sense.

Charlene:  What the HELL?!?!?  Listen here SiuMing!!!  If that is even your REAL name.....people look more at Veronica's red baboon ass and my wonderful infinity scarf than they do your stupid 80's boyish get-up!!

Veronica:  Yah SiuMing!  What Charlene said!

SiuMing:  Well then, you can kiss my ass right here!!!  Right here where my hands are!!!

Veronica:  GAG me SiuMing!  You're sooooo stupid.

SiuMing: Well if I am so stupid, why did you tell everyone you were my TWIN SISTER????

dundunduuuunnnnnn!!!!!

Charlene:  Oh Veronica!  Say it isn't so!!  I'm disappointed in you!!!!  If there is one lesson I have learned in this business, it's never good to be A-SuiMing.....

{HALLOWEEN 2011}

In Utah, it's a HUGE deal to take the famdam to a local farmer's punkin patch to hand pick THE perfect orange gourd/vegetable/fruit* to carve.  

(The funny thing is that the fields are replenished daily by hired help.  I mean, they literally truck in punkins and lay them on the ground to look like they just happened to grow there over night with no root system or vine)

*there is a major debate on what a punkin truly is. 

I honestly don't give a crap what a punkin is....

after a week it's considered trash to me.

We carved our hand picked punkins on Saturday late afternoon.  It was warm enough to do it outside, which thrilled the livin' shit out of me!!!  I hate cleaning up punkin guts off my floors and counters.  Doesn't it seem like they have a glue-like composition  in the chemical make-up that adheres permanently to what ever surface it lands on???

I printed a few stencils from the internet and the boys chose their favs.

Jax chose a bat.

He worked very hard with meticulous hand saw skills!

We made one little oopsie.....

we cut around the bat as well.

This was not a good idea because the bat fell right through the middle of the punkin.

Thank Gawd for a screw gun and drywall screws!

The reattachment process was easy and painless.

River chose the baseball face from "Nightmare before Christmas."

We decided to just cut out the face and to NOT carve the round ball head due to the tragic "bat fall in" catastrophe from the younger boy. 

Jax had his heart set on being an ASSassin.

I discouraged the assassin costume by buying him this "Gangster" get-up.

For some reason, he felt the need to tuck in the shirt/coat thingy into the elastic waste band.

Without knowing it, he went as a "nerd" gangsta!

He still had remnants of green hair spray stuck to his scalp, so really this Halloween Jax was a

"LEPRECHAUN-DWEEB-GANGSTER"

This was Riv's first year of not dressing up and partaking in the sport of trick-r-treating.

He and I ate caramel apples, discussed the world's problems and handed out $30 worth of candy to our new neighbors.  I've never seen so many kids in one city block before!!!  It was super fun and Riv was sweet and adorable to watch as he greeting the little goblins at the door :)

on a more serious note:

I was grateful to have both my kids home, warm and safe by 9 pm.  My heart goes out the the families of the 3 teens that were hit by cars last night.  

What a true Halloween nightmare.

PEOPLE!!!!! 

WE MUST BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL AND CAUTIOUS WHILE DRIVING BY AREAS FULL OF CHILDREN!!!!

SLOW YOUR LIFE DOWN AND KEEP KIDS SAFE DAMMIT!