Just pay for the damn valet!

Ok......

So.......

After being a couple for 24 years, I would hope that the pair would know what makes their partner tick.

Now, Randy can be a little slow.....

[it's only cuz his heart is so big....it weighs him down]

BUT!  This guy knows me!

He knows my currency and what will light me up quicker than a joint does for Willie Nelson!

Randy heard that Royal Bliss [My fav home town band.  Remember the song 'Crazy' that I posted? see it here] was performing their 10th annual Pre-Thanksgiving Bash at The Depot, and called to tell me to get on the horn for tickets!!!!!

OH!
MY!
GAAAAAWWWWWD!

For reals!

And I mean 

SER. I. OUS. LY!

Ahhhhh.....I've trained him so well.

Am I right? or Am I right girls?!?!?

This kind of training doesn't happen overnight!

This kind of training doesn't even happen in 10 years!!!

Nooooooooo!!!!

This kind of training has been in the making for 20+ baby!

And momma is now reapin the rewards of my labor!!!!

Yeeeee Haw Cowboy!

BLISS BLISS BLISS, ROYAL BLISS!!!!!

Since the concert was the day before Thanksgiving, it made it difficult for our usual suspects to join us for the night.

[Drapers and Browns.....we missed you guys! I know Paula would have been pushin her way to the front with me....

cuz that's how the lil momma rolls!]

We were excited that Derek and Lisa committed to the bash even though they had never heard one of Royal Bliss' songs!

We started the evening at Red Rock Brewing for a nice dinner and beer appetizer.

The dudes dropped us gals off at the door and then they parked the car. [I didn't put that little factoid in for no reason!!!! Just wait.....]

After much laughing and eating and reeking of garlic from the bruschetta plate, we headed our way to ROCK N ROLL!!!!!!!

\m/

The show started at 8pm and there were like, 4 opening bands!!!

I'm soooo not kidding!

Half of the openers were good...the other half were not so good.

A lot of ego [totally a turn off!], and  not as much talent were the culprits.

While on a break, Lisa and I ran to coat check to rid ourselves of our jackets.

Next to us was the ticket line and I see a guy that looks just like the lead singer of Royal Bliss.

I was thiiiiiiiis close to telling Lisa that he was a dead ringer but I stopped myself because he was buying a ticket, which obviously meant that he WASN'T the singer so why would Lisa care?  Right?

We are now behind him and his friends in line to get through security.

He hands the doorman one ticket, then asks if he has to buy tickets for everyone in his party.

Doorman says yes.

Guy who bought ticket says, 

"Well I'm the singer........the lead man in Royal Bliss.  Do I really need to buy my wife a ticket to get in?"

Even then I thought, this guy is pulling a fast one!  I mean come on!!!!!

Isn't there a back door for these people?!?!?

And why is he buying tickets FOR HIS OWN CONCERT?!!!!?

Well, 

it WAS him.

Apparently, Randy had a "How you doin?" run in with him too.

This band is one of those that still appreciate where they came from and their fans that helped them rise.

They talked of a tour that just ended with Rob Zombie and how happy they were to be home with their family for Thanksgiving.

Their show was full of passion and heart.

AND the people watching was TO DIE FOR!  

There was:

Gagging sloppy girl on girl action, a remake of Chris Farley and Bunny, and my neighbor leading his double life!

You just nevah know what you're gonna get!!!

[Randy really was there too....wish the pic with him would have turned out.]

We lasted til 12:30, and decided we should all get our old asses to bed!

[The band was NOT even done!  I tried.....I really tried to stay til the last melody.  But I chose to save my energies for the hours ahead spent with the Gardner's, who pampered us with an amazing Thanksgiving feast!  More on that later.....]

As we deaf-ly strutted our way to the parking lot, Randy makes the comment, "I better not see a ticket on my windshield!"

And then I say, "WTF are you talking about???? Why would you have a ticket?"

He says, "Because valet was busy and I didn't want to wait.  I found this parking spot but there was no place to put my money so........we didn't pay."

I roll my eyes and grumble under my breath, "You HAVE to pay at these places.  You should have just waited for valet and paid the $4. UGH!"

Sure enough........

This was waiting for us in a yellow envelope.

Moral of the story: There is a price for impatience!

A feather bed

We have an outdoor cat.

We call her........

Kat ......

Von D......

minus the Von D.

Kat and Daisy can look beyond their differences and have conversations while laying nose to nose.

It consists of Kat making a lot of 'rawraaaaaawwwwrrrrrraaar' sounds and Daisy intently giving head bobs and a whine to show understanding to Kat's feline issues.

Kat has given us patio gifts in the form of dead mice and small birds.

She always gets a pat on the back for her good works.

A few days ago, I could hear Kat  loudly meowing outside the door by her insulated kennel.

I opened the door to find Kat turning in circles and butting her head at my shin.

I tell her, "OK! OK!  I will feed you!"

As I bent down to pick up her dish, I can see why she was so proudly trying to get my attention.

She brought a little friend into her kennel-castle, and wanted me to see how well she had decorated for her new guest.

It was a large [dead] pigeon.

Kat had scattered the bird's feathers across her own blankets and climbed inside to roll around in the comfort of her new feather bed.

It was kind of gross and amusing at the same time.

Then I was taken back when Kat encased the dead bird into her paws and laid her head on top.  I realized that Kat is comforted by this bird  in a way a child is protected by a favorite stuffed animal.

We have since replaced the dead pigeon with a dollar store fuzzy toy.

Kat is not happy with us and I'm pretty sure I've heard her humming, in her sorrow, to the tune of 

'Cat's in the cradle" by Harry Chapin.

Kat's in the kennel,

and the stupid goon....

took away my bird,

the thing I used to spoon....

When you coming home bird,

I don't know when....

but here's a dollar store toy til then, 

Kat....

We can have a good time with that.....

Kat......

The 104th reason I never made it as a song writer!

OR an animal activist.

Hey!!!! I know you!

A couple of Sunday's ago, I was watching football with my house guests.  An Applebee's commercial came on around half time.

As I watched, I thought.....

"hmmmmm, something about this commercial seems familiar."

I soon realized that the 'chef' is played by my good buddy*,  Christian.
[the video starts at around 8 seconds]

Christian holds the title of world's best flair bartender.

[bottle flipper]

We met him for the first time years ago at Carnival Court in Vegas.

Every year we belly up to the bar to watch Christian put on a good show.

He's been a Carnival Court staple up until the last two years.

We had wondered what happened to him and felt the absence of his personality around the bar.

Looks like Christian is gaining notoriety and entertaining beyond  the sticky bar floors of Sin City.

Good for him!!!!

But boooo hooo for his fans [me]who made a special trip to Carnival Court to witness a true talent up close and personal.

*He's not really my good buddy, I just wanted to sound cool.  

BUT he always recognized me and my posse when we walked into the court each year......so I say we ARE buddies.

Under the big top

No, Riv's finger isn't broke.

He is so double jointed that he can bend all of his digits to the back of his hand like dislocated hinges.

UGH!!!  It totally creeps me out!!!

It just aint normal dammit!

Riv enjoys using the freaky fingers to chase me around the house and hear me scream.

Welcome to my circus!

It's a daily freak show.

Upcoming freak show events:

the bearded lady [me]

the man with toxic body gas [rand]

 the boy who can devour an entire box of cereal in one sitting [jax]

the dog who poops 10x's her own body weight daily [daisy]

dat da dada da da dat da dada da da

afro circus, afro circus

polka dot polka dot 

afro circus

The amazing spiderboy

Jax has been trying to master his "buildering" skills.

Buildering is the sport of climbing buildings and other man-made structures.

I can't hardly watch him because I see all of the mishaps that could happen.

[btw: this structure is minimal in comparison to other buildings he's scaled]

Hasn't this kid given me enough heart palpitations throughout his life???

HEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEE!

Maybe he will find a magic bean that will grow a stalk to the heavens where he can climb to meet the jolly green giant, and the giant will grant him three special wishes.  

I can only imagine Jax's wish requests:

1~to be able to dance like Usher

2~to have suction cups on his hands and feet

3~to have body hair that stays attached to his body, and doesn't shed in every bathroom

Oh, sorry.....the third one was my wish.

[Jax also tried to climb our garage door and left his foot indentations in the metal panels.

eh, it's only a $5000 repair.

Randy was super stoked to see this climbing experiment that went expensively WRONG!]

Shall we play shuffle board now?

Friends, you and me......

you brought another friend.....

and then there were three.

We started our group....

our circle of friends....

and like that circle

there is no beginning or end.

Derek and Lisa hosted a gourmet meal at their lovely home to an intimate group of friends.

Lisa spent much passion and time into making the table settings and the food a loving event.

Derek's major part in the efforts toward this particular evening, was to take their two lil girls out of the house for the whole day so that momma Lisa could achieve this fabulous result.

Everyone pitched in a lil somethin' somethin'.

My contribution assignment was bottles of wine.

Paula brought a crisp and refreshing green salad,

Dalton whipped up a unique, spicy, love in your mouth, quinoa salad,

Lyns made a totally kick ass, addictive cranberry cheesecake,

and Lisa's menu was as follows:

cheese and pear appetizers

braised chicken with capers

and baked acorn squash with a sweet crusted topping.

It all came together without a hitch and  everyone was content with  full belly satisfaction.

With fingers to my mouth I say,

"delizioso!!!!!!"

We sat around the table and talked of having monthly dinner parties;

 and then realized that we sounded like old people that would get a rise out of a game of shuffle board, decaf coffee, and  a bowl of rice pudding as an after dinner dessert!

[To redeem the shame of geezer talks that came from our young mouths, 

we also made it a point to  talk about sex.

Sex talk will totally cancel out geezer talk!

I think wine had a lot to do with the sex subject being brought forth]

Paula graciously allowed me to wear her newly gifted vintage mink coat that still holds the smell of an old time swanky cocktail lounge.

I LOOOOVED it!!!!

Can you imagine the stories that coat would tell if it could tattle!

[Me, Lyns, Dalton, Lisa and Paula ]

[Dalton and Jerry]

I have deemed  Jerry 'The most interesting man in the world' due to his dinner coat, sporty turtle neck and way of posing with his mug popping up in the background of many pics.

With Thanksgiving around the bend, I would like to give my thanks to the joy  you all give to my soul in these get togethers.

Thank you Paula for the fabulous pictures!

Thank you Derek and Lisa for an evening of good  food and great friendship.

Thank you Lyns for sharing your contagious laughter and beauty.

Thank you Jerry and Dalton for the best poses I've ever seen!

As I get older, I realize that I need my friends in the same way I that need oxygen.

They fuel my body with energy and my mind with clarity.

I truly appreciate my fortune in being in this spectacular mod podged circle of commitment.

To have friends you must be a friend.

We all learned that quote at a young age, 

and the words still ring true without fail.

We make time and take effort into keeping these relationships in tact.

Thank you, my circle of laughter, friendship and love.

You are good to me and lift me up.

I'm proud to call you my friends family by choice.

Amy Poehler??? REALLY?

I'm into my new jobbie about 6 weeks now.

And you ask, "How's it going?"

Well, how do I put this??????

HARD CORE ROCKIN GOOD!

It's the jelly to my peanut butter.....

the coozie to my Bud Light.......

the rock to my roll.......

the super to my duper......

the donkey to my kong......

the sha to my na-na-na...

You get the picture!

it completes me.

I work for Hallmark on the installation team.

There is a fair amount of traveling. We cover from Provo to Logan and even Wyoming.

It is physical in a way that makes me feel strong and powerful.

We box all cards that are already in display, signs, party stuff, etc. to be gone through and either re-stocked or scanned out for discontinue at the end of the job.

Then we disassemble the structures to their entirety.  They are taken down to the bare floors which we scrape and clean to prepare for a total rebuild.

[above pic shows disassemble in action.

I didn't take one of our rebuild and restock.

Next time you walk into a store make sure to walk down the Hallmark isle and look around.  There's your picture of a completed job]

My hands are full of paper cuts,  my shins have bulging bruises, and my feet are throbbing from the 138629000000 steps I take daily.

Our days are long and the work is hard. 

We earn every penny we make.

It's not all physical work, we have to use our noggins a good part of the time too.  We have schematics for rebuilds and new product stock that is very UN-user-friendly for newbies.  It's like reading a foreign language until you do it a few hundred times.  I have personally learned from my many MISTAKES since I have no intuitive architectural skill.

I am inspired by the women I work along side.

A few are over retirement age and can still lift over 50 pounds and pound a hook into it's anchor with one swing of the mallet.

I guess this is what keeps them all young and feisty!

The mix of intelligent women from all walks of life make the comradery playful and yearning for more.

Pictured above is my new friend Nancy.

Nancy just moved here from Phoenix.

Nancy thinks Utah is cool.

Nancy gets super giddy when she sees a snow flake.

We will poll her again once winter is over. 

 I predict Nancy will have just a liiiiiiiittle different opinion of the cold and snow by the end of the season.

Nancy is so nice and  chillaxed, 

that it's easy to get one up on her.....

not that I purposely would do that of course!!!!

What kind of ass hat do you think I am?!?!

OK! OK!  I hear you!!!

I AM ADMITTEDLY AN ASS HAT!

Here's a lil story for ya. 

Nancy and I were working on signs together and were supposed to read the directions and figure out how to construct them on our own without asking our boss's help. Boss says we are 'big girls now' and we can do things without her guidance.

Oh the pressure of being a big girl!

We broke the sign.

Actually, I broke the sign.

In a scurry, we searched for tape, gorilla glue or a magic potion to repair said sign.

We were laughing with legs crossed to contain the 'laugh pee' and tears were running down our faces.

Our boss asked me what I was up to since it seemed a bit conspicuous that I was going through the universal Hallmark handyman bag looking for a broken sign remedy.

I looked up to her and said, 

"Oh nothing!  

Nothing at all!

WAIT!.....I can not tell a lie!!!!!!!

NANCY BROKE THE SIGN!!!!!!

AND I'M TRYING TO FIX IT!"

Boss yells, "Nancy!!!!  You broke the sign?!?"

Everyone started laughing because they knew I WAS a big fat liar pants and there's Nancy looking from a far with a 'what's going on?' look on her face.

Then Nancy says to me....

"see! I always get blamed for things in life that I didn't do!" 

without knowing  that it was me that threw her under the bus!!!!

I admitted to the scam and she has since forgiven me :)

[it cost me a couple beers tho]

The team work is my currency, the labor is my exercise, the people are my new found friends, the completion of the job is my pride, the paycheck is the cherry on top, and the purple apron is my new fashion statement.

My family and my home have been a bit dis-sheveled with me away, but at this point, it's worth it for my own self esteem. 

But that's not to say I don't battle with feeling selfish going on my own.

[That's a disclaimer just in case  you come over and there's dried cereal on the counter and the toilets haven't been swished.  

My apologies ahead of time]

On another quick note:  While waiting in the doctor's office for a check-up on my wrist, a lady walked up to me with an excited, yet bewildered look on her face.  

She said, "Oh my gosh!!!!  You look just like that funny girl on Saturday Night Live!  You know, the one that has her own show with parks and stuff?"

I replied, "Amy Poehler?"

She boasted, "YES!!!! AMY POEHLER!!!!"

I laughed......

a little because of the lady's enthusiasm and a little because I wasn't sure if  looking like Amy Poehler is a good or bad thing.

The lady points at my mouth and yells, 

"SEE!!!!  It's your smile!!!! You look JUST like her!!!!!"

I left the lady who just thought she spotted a movie star in the middle of Murray, Utah in a doctor's office, and I pondered the question, 

"do people see us the same as we see our own reflection in the mirror?"

After I looked at my work picture with Nancy, my question was answered when I came across this!

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

WTF!?!?!

This aint good!

Future leaders

Look at them!!!!

JUST LOOK AT THESE KIDS!!!!!

They are drug free,

 [some are  deodorant free unfortunately], 

full of laughter, and spunk......

and they do homework by their own free will

 because it's cool to be smart.

Teenagers aren't always shitheads......

sometimes they are even inspiring*.

*Riv leads an anti-bullying group in his school.

He has great ideas, is a fearless leader, and will stand for what is right.

Brag, brag, brag is what I will do regarding this subject......

I'm proud to the moon and back, as I know I should be!

Yep, that's my boy.

Don't let your balls hit the floor

Jax had his last volleyball game on Saturday.

His entire team was dynamic to watch as each week they improved and became more aggressive. 

Jax was the one boy with a team of seven girls.

He was known for his KICK ASS over-hand serves and above the net spikes.

As his coach awarded him his metal, she said that he earned the 

"most male award."

Everyone laughed and then she added that he really earned the

 "most power" award for their team.

Jax couldn't quit smiling.

If his arm could have bent the wrong way, he would still be patting himself on the back :)

Welcome to Utah! We drive like idiots

Saturday morning Randy and I were headed North on Bangerter.

We were crossing the new over-pass on 7800 South when we witnessed a Nissan Pathfinder (driving in the outside lane) lose control and over correct by swerving/sliding into the middle lane.  The Honda tried to stop but the icy road was not accommodating.

The two vehicles met with the Pathfinder driving on top of the Honda.

We watched in horror thinking the Pathfinder would flip.

They both came to a stop without anyone being injured.

We did our best to direct traffic away from the scene until the police arrived.

We came very close to being plowed into from behind from drivers that were in a hurry and inconsiderate.

After completing a police report and giving a warm seat to the children in the Pathfinder, we were on our way to the next intersection to turn around and GO BACK HOME!!!!

I was pretty shook up and feared the idiot drivers combined with snowflakes too much to want to continue our morning drive.

PEOPLE OF UTAH!!!!

It's winter.

We have snow.

We have icy roads.

We have children in the car!

SLOW YOUR ASSES DOWN!!!!

Dedicated to Paula

The Thrift Shop Song

Be warned:  explicit lyrics

[m.i.l.......please skip this post altogether]

I heard this song and the first person that I thought of was Paula.

She is a thrift store junkie.

I too love a good find, and enjoy searching for unique, quirky items once owned by a stranger......

Of course, that is once I get over the thoughts of the previous- owner-stranger having body lice or scabies.

The first video has the lyrics which are damn funny!

"I wear your grand dad's clothes,

I LOOK INCREDIBLE

I'm in this big ass coat from the thrift shop down the road."

The secret is.......... Play dead!

Friday night we joined the Sims to celebrate 'Day of the Dead'.

Day of the dead is a Mexican holiday that focuses on family and friends gathering to remember dead loved ones.

The party was held at Frida's restaurant in combination with Rico's foods warehouse in downtown SLC.

The event was also a food drive for the Utah food bank.

You could pay cash for the evenings festivities, or donate 15 cans of food per adult and 10 cans per child.

The boys helped me purchase the cases of food and was proud to haul them up to the donation truck.

 For our donation, Frida's gave us an all you can eat Mexi buffet.

Yes, we had to stare at this whole roasted big that was laying next to the salsa bar, but the mole tamales and chipolte mashed potatoes made it worth it!

The cash bar sold Squatters beer, yummy wine, and mixed drinks.

Somehow my plastic cup was always on it's last drop!!!

How does that happen????

A fabulous rockabilly band entertained us as some sat back and relaxed and others danced til the night ended.

A huge back room was set up for the children.

They had arts-n-crafts tables and face painting.

I loved the way the face painted people looked as they walked the room.

Jax felt invincible with his new face.

OK.....maybe I have a sick way about me........

[duh! of course I do!]

or maybe it was the wine, 

[duh! of course it was!]

but I turned to Lisa and said, 

"Let's get OUR faces painted!!!!"  

And in her drunkin-ness, she said,

 "OK!!!!"

I thought we looked AWESOME!!!!!!!

Our husbands on the other hand could not even look at us.

We freaked them out so badly that this comment was made,

"I can not even have sex with you until you wash that off your face!!!  

You scare me!"

So there you go ladies!!!!!!

The secret is out.

If you are tired of using the 'I have a headache' line, 

just paint your face and play dead!

Works like a charm!