What a shocker!!!!

After asking how school was today, Jax proceeded to actually tell me something that he learned!!!!

I'm sure that most of you realize that when your children decide to share their day's education with you, it is quite the phenomena!!!

You STOP what you are doing, open your eyes widely and put on your attentive listening ears!

This shit only happens once in a........NEVER!!!

Jax said that he learned which finger is the longest on your hand.

I'm like, 

"are you kidding me? 

 that is what you learned?!?!? 

 doesn't everybody know its the birdie finger!!?! 

 really now!  who doesn't know that!"

My frustration level was starting to excel since I truly DID drop everything, and this is the kind of crappy education info I'm getting?

Then Jax says, 

"nope!  it's not the birdie finger.  want to guess again?"

His statement made me seriously look down at my hand, and re-evaluate the length of my fingers....

like a total dumb-ass.

[did you just do it too?!?!?]

It was around this point that he couldn't hold back the giggles anymore.  With a shit eatin grin, he held up his hand for me to see which finger was the longest on HIS hand.

I couldn't help but laugh til I was in tears.

The looks of this prosthetic is so funny....

for many reasons.

His inventive witty humor is reason number one.

AND reason number two is ..........

well, let's just say that Jax has NO idea what the "shocker" is, 

but.....um....hmmm...uhhhhhh.....yikes!!

Washing my eyes with turpentine, repeating to myself:

go to a happy place

go to a happy place

go to a happy place

My hoo hoo's

I don't know if it's because of the damn pigeons and doves that shit house themselves on my roof, but I've had  a strange pull to decorating my home with birds.

I really like this set of birds resting on a wire.

But my favorite bird right now is the owl.

And my attraction started with this little jewel.

This big eyed cutie pie was my second owl adoption.....

And this one is my newest addition that I've incorporated into my Christmas designs.

I like that they are all quirky different.

My life long rebellion isn't limited to only outside of my house as you can see.

Isn't that funny that decorating with  a few 'hoo hoo's' make me feel rebellious!

And the best part is that I can  have rebellion around me 24/7!?!?

owls=rebellion=comfort

hmmm....maybe I should have started decorating in coo-coo birds....seems more appropriate now that I read my 'rebellion' testimony.

My hell!!!!

Why do you people let me loose on this keyboard?!?!?

We all pay dearly for these lunatic thoughts you know!

Hey man!!! I bought you something

If I had a lot of money

I would buy every 'bottle tippin' guy I know

 one of these flasks.

Let's just pretend I have a lot of money ;)

K!!!

Oh!  This will be fun!!!

There is a small box....it's gift wrapped.

A very classy type of gift wrap of course, 

because there is such a classy gift inside!

A blue and silver ribbon finishes the box along with a jingle bells name tag that reads:

"your name here Mr. cool dude that I know".  

I bought you this flask that holds your spirits and also lifts your spirits in words :)

Merry Christmas and Cheers MoFo!

Love,

The best gift giver ever :)

Jolie

My BBQ invite

Short. Simple. To the point.

River told me he has a girlfriend.

And then he told me to stop asking so many questions.

Right!!!!  

Like I am gonna let this one go!?!?!?

He invited me to this BBQ and I'm gonna be

'all up in his grill' like ShaNaeNae gone wild on a rack of Southern ribs!!

I am very hungry for more information!!

I am thankful for the invite though.

I'm glad he's willing to let me in.

Even though the convo is very minimal,

 it has enough deets to give me a chuckle and a stroke all at the same time.

SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!

sorry about all the stupid bbq/grill/ShaNaeNae/ribs lingo....

i've gone a bit mad.

news of your children experiencing relationships for the first time makes a mother go out of her mind.

i just want to put my hands over my ears, close my eyes, and rock back and forth repeating to myself, "always my baby he will be".

but i know that eventually i have to open my eyes to the truth.

my kids are growing up.

Flies in the Vasoline

I have such a love affair with Palladia.

It truly is:

EPIC.AWESOME.MUSIC!

This month they are featuring

Stone Temple Pilots.

Oh yah!!!

STP* baby!

If there is anything that gets my motor runnin' and speeds me back in time to the 90's, it's the funky assed lyrics of STP and the lovely sound of Scott Weiland's voice.

I seriously wore out my original purchased cd and had to buy a second one due to overuse.

I loved/love this album!

The "Chicago live" concert on Palladia DOES NOT DISSAPOINT!!!!

Scott W. has been known for his "David Bowie" type style that is a bit on the femme side.

He moves like Jagger and is rock star eccentric.

He's had his drug demons come and go, which I'm sure amplifies his quirks, but I think this dude is kick ass!

Even though I realize how "out there" Scott W. is, I was shocked when I watched him slither up to the guitarist Dean Deleo, and they mutually puckered up and kissed.

Concerts I would have totally expected to see this at:

Madonna

Lady GaGa

Adam Lambert

Britney Spears

Queen

SOOOOO not what I was expecting to see at an STP rock concert.

I've heard ROCK OUT LIKE YOUR COCK'S OUT, 

but I didn't know some people take this literally.

Regardless, it's a bitchin' concert and STP still puts on a bitchin' show!!!!

Check it out if you can!

*I met a band called 'The Garage Boys'.  They play out of Vegas and Reno.  The front man is a dead ringer in looks and voice to Scott Weiland.

They are good!

Look them up sometime if you are in that NV area.

It even has a River

We watched this movie last night.

LOVED IT!!!

You immediately fall for  'Ned' (the idiot brother) because he

is so sweet, giving, unassuming, and all about love.

His family of sisters soon realize how great he is too :)

It's totally worth a Redbox buck and your time spent.

Plus there is a little boy named River who is Ned's nephew.....

Made me even more in love and happy to watch this movie.

It's a feel good, funny must see!*

*for adults only

Stayin' alive, Stayin' alive!

Meet Ike.
Ike is my mother in law's love child that she adopted a month ago.
He is blind and deaf, 
yet has been able to cheat death many times this last month.


Just an example of a few of  Ike's death defying experiences:
~He was adopted by  mo-in-law just hours before his scheduled euthanization.


A few days later:
~He fell off of a 3 story balcony to pavement below.....
 and survived without any harm.


After making the balcony dive,
(without Carol knowing he was M.I.A.,  or that he even fell)
~He stumbled through the AZ streets, without getting hit by a car, for at least 1.5 miles until a kind family took him in and called the animal control, who brought him back home after a couple of days missing.


Doesn't the 'Mr. Magoo' episodes come to mind?!?!?

Ike has a purpose here....
if only he could see what that was.

What NOT to get your spouse for his 45th birthday

I guess a personal blood pressure machine isn't a real good idea to give someone turning 45.

Apparently it makes them feel even more concrete that they are 'this' close to DEAD.

DEAD!

DEAD!

DEAD!

I know, I know.

It's along the same lines of a dude giving his chick a mop for Valentine's Day.

It's offensive.

And, if you could have seen the disappointment and lack of lust in his eyes as he opened it, you would cringe with uncomfortableness.

I kind of think he was hoping is was a joke.

I feel like a total fart face right now :(

BUT!!!  

In my defense.....

come on, just hear me out.....

We have been very worried about Randy's blood pressure.

He's always been healthy and in the correct number ranges for a healthy male.

But these last months have taken a toll on him and he hasn't been feeling well.

Dizziness, passing out, vertigo, confused and weight loss.

We both had an assessment for our health insurance where they do all of the blood work and blood pressure and weight and fat % and YADA YADA YADA.

Everything came back in good range except for his blood pressure, which he was in denial about, and had the poor gal re-test it like 6 times!  Each time, the numbers climbed.  We are pretty sure it's because of his nerves, but there is still reason to be keeping an eye on his health.

HENCE THE BLOOD PRESSURE MONITOR GIFT SET!!!!

It truly was a gift of love, 

but I will make up for the

 "you are 45 now, and almost dead"

 gift to Rand in someway.

I'm thinking it will  probably involve a trip to Victoria's Secret :)

Talk about raising someone's blood pressure!

HUBBA! HUBBA!

BOW CHICA WOW WOW!

See!!!!

I told you my gift is the universal gift that keeps on giving!

On this day in 1966......

Randy.

is.

forty-five.

today.

HOLY SHIT!!!!

RANDY IS 45 TODAY!!!!

FOUR TEEEE FIVE!!!

When did this happen????

ya know,.......... old.

When  did old happen??

Apparently, right before our eyes.

Right before my eyes,

 I  still see the sweetest, 

most compassionate, 

epically handsome,

truest man I know.

If this is what old looks like,

well then I am a lucky woman to wake up next to it every day :)

Where Is Your Stick Family?

I loved this plate, 
that was attached to this mini van, 
that was parked in the rec. center's parking lot today.
I loved it so much, that I was willing to share it's picture with a BYU sticker.


I really like the people that own this van.
Well, I don't know these people personally, 
but I think I would like them just for the fact that they found humor in their rabbit humpin' and the abundance of their reproductions.
This is the first time I actually WANTED to see the family of stick figures on the back window!!!
They have me very curious as to what "2MNYKIDS" means to them.
2? 4? 6? 8?
God said we shall procreate!


I want to drive a bitchin', two seater, '69 convertible Camero, with a plate reading, "WEPULOT",  indicating that we have no children.
But I won't because I'm not a liar....
just a dreamer some days.


(Can you tell by my animosity that Jax has been a total a-hole...
with a CAPITOL A and a  BIG HOLE!


Riv still makes me smile tho...thank God!
I will give him a seat in the bitchin' Camero.


Jax will be given a seat in the mini van with all the "2MNYKIDS" for a reality check!  
spoiled, spoiled spoiled brat!


thanks for letting me vent....
being brutally honest sometimes helps me through the tough times.
hoping tomorrow.... 
and years of tomorrows to be better)

Ancient Chinese Caca PooPoo

I love tea.

I drink it year round, but I have an extra cup or two in the winter eves.

I believe in the healing power of the tea leaf and enjoy the distinct flavors and natural additions combined to make a tasty 'bag o' love' in my mouth.

BUT LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR!!!

I love bags of tea....

NOT  being tea bagged!!!!

My favorite brand is Yogi.

I have yet to find a Yogi type that I didn't enjoy.

The added benefit to Yogi teas, are the beautiful mantras that you are presented with at the end of each bagged string.

I find myself looking forward to my 'daily fortune'.

It's amazing how the power of words can change your attitude or your presence in life.

I have another brand that I like to dabble in. 

Triple Leaf Tea.

It's flavor is smooth and delightful.

The only thing I thought it was lacking compared to the Yogi brand, was my papered words of encouragement.

 The 'Detox' is great after a weekend of over indulgence.

(Offered in Yogi brand too)

This stuff is better than a Tylenol PM with no added side effects.

Randy and I have made a night time ritual of a 'Relaxing' cup of tea before bed.

(also good and avail in Yogi brand)

But my Triple Leaf confidence came to an end today.

After many a night of insomnia, 

my body transforming into a midnight sweating inferno, 

and  add hormonal body aches, 

I bought this 'Women's Tonic' tea thinking it would be my cure all to my every womanly ailment!!!

It has DONG QUAI for hell's sakes!!!

(WTF is Dong Quai?!?!? 
 Is he a brother to Long Duck Dong?)

Let me just tell you that......

I would rather put a shit stick dipped in feathers, and sprinkled with toe jam in my mouth, before I drink another cup of hate like this again!!!!

Damn you Chinese for making me think I can abuse my body and then drink a yummy concoction of herb to heal my 

self inflicted punishment.

I no believe your word anymore Sensei.  

You betray my trust.  

You give me drink in my mouth that taste like turd. 

Don't count on me for anymore suckee suckee five buckee !

OHHHHHH! who am I fooling?

I still suckee suckee for five buckee but NOT for Don Quai. 

 He no help me and he got a nasty taste.

Ancient Chinese Caca PooPoo!

Prostituting "A's"?

After many conversations,

 beggings, 

and debates, 

River and I came to an agreement that he would get paid for his A's and B's on his report card.

I didn't really have a stance on how I felt about "paying for grades", before he and I's business meeting, but my first reaction for some reason was always "NO!"

River was a great attorney presenting his case,  and I, being the jury, was swayed to agree with his defense.

"Mom! I work very hard to do my homework and study for tests.  

I go to school everyday, and have H's  in citizenship in all my classes.  

This is my job right now.  

How about if I take half of what I earn and put it in my college fund?  

It's like, if I work hard now, I will benefit from it later."

Well, how the hell do you argue with that?

Or am I just not a good prosecutor???

My hopes is that he is proud of his efforts and feels that there is a payoff and acknowledgment for hard work and responsibility.

And, ya never know.....maybe he will get a scholarship with the grades he strives to keep high for payment, and then he and I can use his college fund for a great vaca!!!!!

WIN-WIN if you ask me!

What are your feelings about paying for grades???

Lick you up at 6

A girls night on the town was well over due.

In fact, I don't think we've actually done one since my birthday,

LAST FEBRUARY!!!

I know!!! 

 What is wrong with us?!?!?

I mean, we've had many 'couples' nights and quite a few 'garage girls nights', but there is nothing like getting all gussied up and hitting the pavement with your entourage of gals in heels.

Lisa's upcoming birthday was a very good reason to celebrate......

and let me tell you!!!!

Celebrate is what we did!!!

I could predict the way the evening would go since I had already started the day with one of those messed up texts.

The kind that the smart phone over rides what you really wanted to say...

I texted Lisa that afternoon with the GNO deets:

"Hey girl!!!  So excited for tonight!  It's gonna be waaaay freakin' fun.

I will lick you up at 6"

"Hi, It's me again.....

I meant that I will PICK you up at 6!!! 
 I don't think we need to be licking each other.  

Stupid phone!"

So as you can see.....we were well on our way with the giggles and demented minds!

We all love to try new venues, and since the Zy Restaurant was a new one for all of us, I didn't hesitate to make the rez for 7:15.

It's downtown location (a block away from the evenings destined bar) was an added bonus!!!!

The birthday girl was looking gorgeous and radiant as usual.

The restaurant had a nice wine list that accommodated us sharing a couple bottles of yummy red.

We paired our drinks with a cheese selection.

Every girl's tastes were different as to what their favorite flavor was.

It was a great starter to our wonderful meals.

(introducing all of the lovely ladies of the evening:

Lynsie, Paula, Carrie, Lisa, and you know who)

 We chose to have a cup of french pressed coffee as our dessert.

The service was tops, and  the company was divine.

Zy Restaurant.....give it try.

ROUND 2

DING DING DING!

Our next gathering hoorah for the evening was scheduled to be at The Keys on Main which was exactly one block away from the Zy.  The beautiful weather allowed us to walk to the bar.....but NOT without a stop along the way.

KUTV News was broadcasting live with the city streets as it's backdrop.

Paula texted Jay D to tell him to watch the news to see if we were on it....

We weren't very hopeful because we couldn't see ourselves [on the big screen] standing behind Brian Mullahy as he read the teleprompter.

We proceeded to dance like freaks...

.ie:  the running man, the roger rabbit, and swinging an invisible rope to lasso the girls and pull them in....that one was my move!

We also noticed a fuzzy thing on Brian Mullahy's jacket.  It was on the left side on top of his shoulder pad. It was driving us nuts, so we pretended to be picking it off of him secretly.

Lisa commented on what dorks we all are because nobody is going to be home on a Saturday night watching the stupid news!!!!

Well, what do ya know?!?!?

Jay D said he saw us, and Paula's son was wondering what she was doing staring at him through the TV.

Lisa got a text from Odum asking, 

"was that you and Jolie on the news?"

So the moral of the story is:

You are never alone.....

someone is always watching, so be good for goodness sake!

Once we were in the piano bar and the music was running through our veins, we chose to celebrate Lisa's birthday by drinking her birthday cake!

These little lovelies tasted like chocolate cake....well, kind of.

Not really, but we shot them down our throats anyway.

Which helped start the picture extravaganza love fest :)

After many drinks, shaking our money makers, and singing songs to each other (I think the above picture is "touching hands" by Neil Diamond), we called upon our men to pick our drunk asses up and safely drive us home.

Our menz.....

the pimps in our ride.

(boy Jay....that nose hair wax really came in handy!)

Awe :) Lyns  lubs her hubs 

And the rest of us showed our D.D. appreciation to Jay too.

I LOVE this picture!!!

Jay looks so happy :)

I'm not sure if it was the wine, the beers, the cake shots or the copper camel shots that made me say,

"OH! OH! Take our picture while I grab balls!"

Randy didn't mind so much.....

We considered it RD's taxi cab payment.

It was an evening of necessity for all of us.

I hope that I can speak for everyone when I say that the 12 hour, next day hangover was worth every minute of the good time put into it!

Happy Birthday Lisa my sweet friend.

How wonderful life is with you in the world :)