Priority mail

For the first time in 22 years, 

I did not send out Christmas cards.

Thank you to all who kindly sent me one anyway.

I LOVE receiving your cards and pictures and yearly letters.

I hope to get back on my 'Holiday Horse' next year and send out my greetings.

But until then......

This is what you will have to enjoy for Christmas 2011.

With love,

Randy, Jolie, Riv and Jax :)

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

I'm not going to lie.....

it's been a rough and tumble week for me.

I'm chalking it up to starting my new medication, and my body trying to accommodate the surge of hormones.

Mentally, I was Fucked -UP.

Physically, I was and still am puffy and achy.

I just stay away from acrobats and a mirror at this point.

I can see the sun shining again and this is good.

It's all because of 

NOT just one big thing, 

but a million wonderful little things like:

~getting a phone call from a cousin first thing in the morning just to say 'I love you' and talks you through an incoherent break down of tears and slobber.

(thank you Chelise)

~Good friends that are concerned and missed your presence at a 'girls day out' and sought healing teas to bring over to 

comfort a throat and calm a heart.

(thank you Lisa and Lyns)

~A sister from another mister, who hosted a luncheon of love.

Delicious food, beautiful table settings and more importantly,

deliciously, beautiful friendship.

(thank you Paula-girl)

Thank you my friends.

You rock my world and keep me in tune.

Here's yer sign

Is this FAH-REEE-KIN adorable or what?!?!?

Interchangeable holiday greetings that are artwork, tasteful, and fun!

Thanks Lyns :)

I'm buying fake ones

I just haven't felt good for weeks.

Let me share the list of gorey details with you:

~Headaches all day long

~Major body and joint aches

~Heavy periods and extreme cramping

 (never had this before! in fact, my monthly doesn't even last but a day and nothing much about it ever bothers me.)

~Sore throat that hurts to swallow and feels like my glands are swollen....raspy voice

~Muscle cramps

~Easily irritated

[my poor family]

~Dry, itchy skin

~Insomnia

~EXHAUSTION!!!!

~Unmotivated 

[everything feels so hard to do]

~Unfocused

~Ditzy, forgetful

~Emotional

 [I get verklempt very easily.  

Everything seems 'so special and endearing' and I 

cry and cry and cry!!

Jax asked why I was crying while watching a YouTube video of people flashmob singing!  

Even he knew this was not worthy of tears!]

~My internal temperature is either as 

brutally hot as the center of the earth,

OR I have the entire bodily chills that can not be cured by anything less than a boiling water shower.

AND the worst part of all of this....

is that I've gained 9 pounds in a little over 2 months!!!

I hardly eat enough to warrant  that  kind of  gain so quickly!!!

Unless you count Starbucks highly caffeinated house coffee with fat free milk as a food group, then I guess I over indulge every day!

[it's the only way i can stay awake to function]

I was feeling like I was the verge of a major virus continually, but it would never go to the next step....it would just stay in that annoying state that keeps a person paranoid that they are going to wake up with pneumonia/cancer/death and not be fully prepared! 

I started taking large amounts of Vitamin C as a precaution.

Nothing helped me to feel better and I was sick of feeling like SHIT!

I went to my doc and told her about my issues.

She did a whole blood work-up on me that required 6 large vials.

She tested my hormones for menopause, tested for arthritis, tested my thyroid, and tested my blood counts. 

Can you test for CRAZY through blood? 

 If so, she probably tested me for that too.

At the end of our visit I started crying [again] and told the doc that,

'I just know that nothing medically is wrong with me.

This is all about the fact that  I am 

 old 

and fat

 and lazy 

and have an ugly woman-beard

 and it will all continue to go to hell,

 but I need the results to tell me to pull up my panties 

and do something with myself! 

I'm having a hard time doing it on my own!!!'

Doc called me Thursday with the results.

My thyroid decided to slow it's ass down to almost a complete stop!

I started to cry [again] as she told me that my issues are not in my head, and that there is a true physical problem happening.

She said it's probably been slowly shutting down for a few months and some stress combined with age has abruptly kicked into stagnant mode.

I AM THE POSTER CHILD OF THYROID DISEASE.

Although it is quite common, there are still a lot of people undiagnosed, that go on feeling horrible thinking that age has caught up with them and they will have to live with feeling shitty forever.

I am fortunate to be getting help for it now and to get back to feeling like me again.

So from now on, I will be buying my fake hormones to take everyday for the REST OF MY LIFE!

It's like I always say:

A pill a day keeps the straight jacket away!!!

[i've actually never really said that before.....

but it sounds appropriate at this point]

ahhhh, you so wise Mr Yogi

These were my words of wisdom this morning from my Yogi tea bag.

We can all use this reminder, 

especially around this time of year.

It's elementary my dear.....

In our jammies and blankets in tow, we had reserved seats for the 11:59 pm  premier showing of

Sherlock Holmes 2.

Attending a movie at midnight, and having the privilege to say "I saw it first", was a dream of River's.

Jax wasn't sure if he wanted to go, or could even stay awake that late.

A midnight movie was not on Jax's dream list.

He instantly changed his mind after eating a shartload of candy, bounced off the walls, drove us crazy, and then tagged along.

Randy opted out by default.

He was in bed by 9 pm to be ready for work at 5 am.

I don't even think he knew we had left and came back again.

I was VERY tired.

Exhausted is probably a more appropriate word.

But I did my best to pull myself out of it and join the "excited" rally with a cheerful face.

The movie was GREAT!!!

The entire theater laughed, applauded, and left satisfied (at 2:40 am).

There is something about going to a midnight opening, that makes you feel like you are one big happy family with the rest of the crowd.

It's almost like a hidden secret of  'this is where the party is'.  

And  if you're lucky enough to get a seat at the party,  you will happen upon  the amazing after hours energy of the 'premier cult'.

I am actually looking forward to doing this again.......

maybe next time NOT on a school night though!

Whew....it's gonna be a highly caffeinated day!

What we will do for our kiddies.....

 :)

Not so good VIBRATIONS

Randy wanted me to sell off my portable fireplace that I put in the "reading area" of our bedroom.

"It's just too much for this room. 

 I hate it! We don't need it!" he said

We still have it because,

 I LOVE IT, 

AND I THINK IT'S PERFECT FOR THE ROOM, 

AND  that fireplace saved our asses last night when the furnace decided to LOUDLY vibrate the motor right off of itself, and the consequence was that we have had no central heat since 1:30 am.

It's mid-December,

and IT IS 'shrivel your ball's cold!!!

Luckily, I have the garage 'smokers' heat dish, and a couple rotating ceramic heaters, heating blankets and of course,

my lovely portable fireplace :)

BOOYAH RANDY!!!!

StarYUCKS

Have you ever bought a Venti, fat-free Misto with an extra shot and brought it in your house to enjoy for the day.........

a bit later you  got back in your car to pick up kids from school, and  proceeded to drink THAT big ol' Misto all gone??

Yet, you wondered while drinking it, why it was ice cold at this point and tasted a little "funky cold-madina"?

Then when you are done running around, you walk back in your house with the empty Venti Starbucks in your hand, and you realized in HORROR that you have been drinking a coffee from 

WHO KNOWS HOW MANY FUCKING DAYS AGO!?!?! 

AND YOUR FRESHLY BOUGHT STARBUCKS IS SITTING PATIENTLY ON THE COUNTER WAITING FOR YOUR ARRIVAL!!!!

Oh, you  have never done this?

And you say that only a dumb ass would do this!!!

yah, ummm hu hu hu....

I haven't done this either.

NOPE! NOT ME!  

Never done this!

Neeeeever eeeeeeever done this.

Anyone have a mint?

Or a pepto?

anyone?

Time bitch slaps me

The whammies of noticing that my kids' physical features have transitioned from boy to young man,

is not something I think I will ever get used to.

Miss Kitty at your service

Paula did a post on her love of vintage handbags.

While commenting, I remembered a few convo's we have had regarding past era's that we are drawn to.
Are you drawn to a different time and age that isn't in the same life you live now?

And why are we drawn to them?

The clothing?

The lifestyle?

The technology?

The rules?

I don't know what to call it.

 I don't believe in reincarnation, but i do believe in the the soul's DNA and energy to be able to experience realms and life without end.

Do you call that past lives?

[If you haven't picked up on it yet, 

I don't believe in religion and am skeptical regarding 

ALL things that it encompasses. 

 I believe in free choice in mind, body and soul.]

My thoughts and comfort is drawn to a time similar to the Wild West days.

Not because I enjoy cowboys, or horses, or outhouses or dirt....

but because I like bars, people, rebellion, gambling, conversations, laughing, entertaining, and sexuality.

Hence, I am not beyond thinking that I was once

a madam in a saloon!!!

you heard me!

A real LADY OF THE EVENING!

Smart enough to run my own business and social enough to be respected by the town because I was providing a needed service.....usually friendship and advice of course.

A lot like Miss Kitty Russell from Gunsmoke.

I know that this is a weird personality to be drawn to.

HEY!!  

Trust me!

A saloon madam isn't someone I would have randomly selected for my past soul-life if I allowed my ego and my head to make the decision for me.

A queen,  or Mother Theresa would have been a much more noble choice. 

One of the points in this story:

is to listen to who YOU are, 

in the depths of YOUR soul,

 regardless of what others expect YOU to be.

From YOUR past or present.

Be true to what makes YOU happy, 

and brings out YOUR free'd spirit,

[even if it's not politically correct],

 to be shared in joy with loved ones around you.

And if YOU don't know who YOU are,

then don't waste anymore time!!!

Go find YOURSELF.....

and be proud of what you discover.

Who knows,

maybe you will find out that you

worked with me in a  wild west saloon :)

day dreaming and crap singing

Ya know how you get driving, especially if it's in a monotonous familiar area, and your mind goes to places that are NOT on the same road your car is on??

[scaaaaary!]

And when you finally realize that you've been sleeping with your eyes open, you wonder how many red lights and old people you have ran through!!!!

It scares the bajeeezus out of me when this happens, and I am always thankful everything looks unharmed from my 'driving dreamscape'.

Last evening, after dropping off Riv at guitar,

and experiencing the 'Bailey's Sister' [see post below], 

my mind was going in all directions with thought WHILE DRIVING.

What happened next was humiliating to MYSELF!!!

You have never experienced embarrassment, 

until you actually embarrass yourself, 

TO YOURSELF,

while alone in a car!

My mind-wandering was abruptly halted when I realized I was singing with the the Farmers Insurance commercial......

OUTLOUD!!!!!!

OUT.

 FREAKIN.

 LOUD!!!!!

"We are Farmers, 

da-dah da, da, dah da DAH!!!"

I don't even know who I am anymore.

Bottoms UP sister!

I witnessed something that made me do a double take, and even after confirming my eyesight to be correct, I still couldn't believe it!!!

I watched a polygamist woman, 

one that looked much like a sister in this picture, 

but not as ugly....well, kind of as ugly,

yah ok, she was ugly alright, 

but the polyg sista I saw at least had a BIG smile on her face :)

ANYWAY!!! As I was saying,

I watched a polyg woman exit a huge ass-ed suburban,

 [driven by a man wearing flannel and 300 kids strapped in the back], 

and she walked into the...............

Liquor store!!!!

I had already done my 'liquor' shopping and was sitting in my car prepared to back out when the boat load of polyg's landed on the 'State Liquor Store' sinner rock!

I was so frustrated that I missed [by 2 freakin minutes!] a 'once in a lifetime' experience of watching a polyg buy alcohol with a bun and skirt as a sidekick! 

I drove out of the parking lot, and made it across the street still pissed about my bad timing.

Then I said to myself, 

"self! 

flip this bitch around!  

we are spying on the life of a  polyg tonight!!!"

I was excited to see the suburban still parked in the stall next to the one I had left.

SHE WAS STILL IN THERE SHOPPING!!!!

OMG!!!

OMG!!!

I didn't have time to waste!!!

I pulled right up in front of the glass doors to the liquor store.

THERE SHE WAS AT THE CHECK OUT!!!

Luck was on my side and it just got my adrenaline going double time!!!

With a little bit of rubber necking and unbelting myself to extend my body for a better view, I watched the sister-wife purchase a 

LARGE BOTTLE OF BAILEY'S IRISH CREAM!

I know, it would have made the experience more fun and apropo if she had brought out a 12 pack of POLYGAMY PORTER, but  the happiness she exuded by clutching her bottle of Bailey's in a brown paper sack, made me want to 'high five' her and  say, 

"you GO girl! 

get that Bailey's!!! 

drink it up and enjoy your bad self.... 

and your husband....

and his 3 other wives......

and the 27 screaming kids between ya'll!"

Do any of you know if it is OK in the polyg lifestyle to drink alcohol???

Paula said that she know's someone who saw the real life "Utah Sister Wives" in a bar before!

[she could have needed it for a cake recipe, 

but i'm going to continue believing

 she needed it for her sanity!]

Deck the harrs with boughs of horry........

The Holiday season doesn't start til' the frageeelay leg lamp has been plugged in for it's

 'soft glow of electric sex' to gleam.

When we moved, I had sold most of my Christmas decor at the yard sale.

So, when I went to 'deck the harrs with boughs of horry' this year, there was no fa ra ra ra ra to do it with.

One of the few things that I did keep [along with Rand's leg lamp and our original tree with the boys' hand made ornaments], was a large unopened box of  variety ornaments that a friend had given me from last Christmas. I was thankful it made it through all of the moves and chaos.  I proceeded to spend HOURS tying fishing line to each ornament end and then attaching the other end of the line to my light fixtures.

Thank God for wine!

She was my friend that night!

ARGH!!!!!

I really like the looks of the finished designs.

But ask me how I feel about it when Christmas is over. 

My attitude could change dramatically.

The tightly knotted line that needs to be snipped with teeny, tiny scissors, will require more wine AND a nerve pill!

These eclectic pieces are new purchases. 

I really like the mod-podge look of them together.

It reminds me of the uniqueness in all of us.

It takes tall, round, pretty, classic, short, and bizarre to make the world of differences......beautifully co habitable.

FA RA RA RA RA RA RA

2 Ryans/24 hours

We have broke a movie rental record!!!!

Within one week, we have seen 3 movies in a row that have been

so damn good!!!

I told you about "Our Idiot Brother" which was awesomely epic rental #1.

We watched that show last weekend.

Between that movie being so great and leaving me wanting more movie experience.....

and my body feeling a bit flu-ish,

 I've been in total lazy, 'watch a flick' mode.

Friday night we watched "Crazy, Stupid, Love".

The story line was very well written.

BUT the best part(s) are...................

 laying your eyes on Ryan Gosling's parts.

You thought you fell in love with him in the "Notebook"?!?!?

OH!!!  You have NO idea sista!!!!

Ryan has surpassed the Notebook hotness in this new movie by  a good gazillion percent and maybe a few more ab packs!!!

This boy isn't real.

I'm pretty sure of it.

Perfection of this nature is not human.

For our adventurous Saturday eve, 

we chose "The Change-up" to entertain our nasty, demented minds.

This show is crude, and naked, and incorrect

in sooo many ways..........

WHICH MADE IT THE FUNNIEST DAMN THING I'VE SEEN SINCE BRIDESMAIDS!!!

And guess what???!??!

Another hot Ryan for me to enjoy within 24 hours of the last one!

Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman are a great comedic duo.

We chose to watch the original version (rated R) since the boys were just a room away from us.  We didn't want them walking in on something "unrated" in the chances that we couldn't hit the STOP button fast enough.

After seeing the 'normal' version, I think we made a wise choice.

Although, it's got me very curious as to how far they would really take this movie to levels that are XXX.

hmmm....ok, I'm gonna have to re-rent this sucker!

UNRATED version here I come!

Gnarly!

I am going to chalk up Jax's ill temperament in the past, to this.

If I had a molar that was embedding an evil meat hook root system to take over my head, I would be an asshole too.

Have you ever seen anything so gnarly?

This one caused a few tears and beads of sweat as we removed it.

Poor dude :(

Wontcha be my neighbor

Some very well hatted, scarfed, and gloved people,

 (at least I hope they were! it's very cold out there!) 

anonymously came through our neighborhood last night and tied red holiday bows on everyone's mailboxes.

The red bow on my post box  has served it's purpose.

It makes me remember that there is

a lot of good IN people,

 and that  a community can bring comfort and tidings of joy.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

What a shocker!!!!

After asking how school was today, Jax proceeded to actually tell me something that he learned!!!!

I'm sure that most of you realize that when your children decide to share their day's education with you, it is quite the phenomena!!!

You STOP what you are doing, open your eyes widely and put on your attentive listening ears!

This shit only happens once in a........NEVER!!!

Jax said that he learned which finger is the longest on your hand.

I'm like, 

"are you kidding me? 

 that is what you learned?!?!? 

 doesn't everybody know its the birdie finger!!?! 

 really now!  who doesn't know that!"

My frustration level was starting to excel since I truly DID drop everything, and this is the kind of crappy education info I'm getting?

Then Jax says, 

"nope!  it's not the birdie finger.  want to guess again?"

His statement made me seriously look down at my hand, and re-evaluate the length of my fingers....

like a total dumb-ass.

[did you just do it too?!?!?]

It was around this point that he couldn't hold back the giggles anymore.  With a shit eatin grin, he held up his hand for me to see which finger was the longest on HIS hand.

I couldn't help but laugh til I was in tears.

The looks of this prosthetic is so funny....

for many reasons.

His inventive witty humor is reason number one.

AND reason number two is ..........

well, let's just say that Jax has NO idea what the "shocker" is, 

but.....um....hmmm...uhhhhhh.....yikes!!

Washing my eyes with turpentine, repeating to myself:

go to a happy place

go to a happy place

go to a happy place

My hoo hoo's

I don't know if it's because of the damn pigeons and doves that shit house themselves on my roof, but I've had  a strange pull to decorating my home with birds.

I really like this set of birds resting on a wire.

But my favorite bird right now is the owl.

And my attraction started with this little jewel.

This big eyed cutie pie was my second owl adoption.....

And this one is my newest addition that I've incorporated into my Christmas designs.

I like that they are all quirky different.

My life long rebellion isn't limited to only outside of my house as you can see.

Isn't that funny that decorating with  a few 'hoo hoo's' make me feel rebellious!

And the best part is that I can  have rebellion around me 24/7!?!?

owls=rebellion=comfort

hmmm....maybe I should have started decorating in coo-coo birds....seems more appropriate now that I read my 'rebellion' testimony.

My hell!!!!

Why do you people let me loose on this keyboard?!?!?

We all pay dearly for these lunatic thoughts you know!